As a woman who has had her heart broken like nobody’s business, I can say one thing for certain: heartache blows.
I can also say something else: it heals.
Here’s why. Sometimes when the heart breaks, it breaks wide open. Sure, you feel the bad things, but you still long to feel the good things. You cry, you get angry, you purge, you lose sleep, you catch things on fire. You have the darkest nights your soul has ever experienced.
But like the way a rainstorm cleanses the earth, heartache cleanses you, erodes away your stagnant pieces, re-builds the beauty of you from the ruins.
I know, I know. You’re calling BS right now. I know it hurts. I know you don’t believe me. But I speak from experience, love. And I can reassure you: every little thing is gonna be all right. You will heal. You will love again. You will be happy. I promise.
But before I continue, I want to make an important distinction. I know you keep telling yourself all these stories about why you’ve been rejected. But I’m here to tell you that none of those stories encompass the whole truth. Because it’s not about rejection. It’s about selection. But I’ll get to that later.
For now, when someone chooses to end (or not begin) a relationship with you, you may never understand the reasons why. You may have to live your whole life not knowing where things went wrong, if it was something you said, if it was something he did.
But. Here’s what I want you to know:
You didn’t fail. (Relationships fail. Businesses fail. Institutions fail. People don’t fail. People just do the best they can with the information they have available to them at any given moment). When a relationship ends, it’s because the dynamics between two people just weren’t aligned. That’s it.
I remember a lesson I heard once from Michael Neil. If you found a $100 bill lying on the sidewalk, and it had been trampled in mud, torn around the edges, and written all over, would you just leave it there? Hell no you wouldn’t! Why? Because it’s a hundred dollars. It hasn’t lost its value just because it’s a little worn for the wear. It’s still worth $100. Likewise, you are still worth every penny of your beautiful goddess soul, even when you are feeling your lowest.
You can wish, or you can decide. Dearest, I know it’s hard. You’re wishing it hadn’t ended. Maybe you’re wishing it had never begun. You’re wishing someone could take the pain away. You’re wishing you didn’t feel so lonely.
Love, you and I both know that wishing gets you nowhere. Action is the only thing that will heal you. Action, and time. At some point, in your own time, you will have to stop asking the questions, stop wishing it were different, stop resisting reality and decide. Decide to be in a place of acceptance, of releasing, and of receiving. There are things to be learned here, and there are things waiting for you.
Things like:
Slumber parties (seriously, grown-up goddesses can still have slumber parties!)
Road trips
Window shopping
Rearranging furniture
Cooking from a vintage cookbook
Getting outside
Learning to knit
Whatever-else-your-little-heart-has-always-desired-to-do
The point: do whatever sounds fun. Say yes to everything (within reason, of course). Be brave. Have an adventure.
Because soon you will realize that this thing that has happened to you – this dirty word called rejection – is actually your teacher. And you’ll realize that you haven’t been rejected against, but rather selected for. For someone who is a much better fit. For a life you are free to design on your own. For an opportunity to see your beauty and value through your own eyes, and not someone else’s.
Because goddesses keep their heads, heels, and standards high. And they don’t look back unless it’s to catch the gaze of a passing admirer. It’s time to be receptive to the transmutation of pain into power. It can only get better from here. You will only get stronger.
Remember love, you are a goddess. You are decisive and strong and courageous. You are valuable, and you are so worth it.
