If you hold the belief that grief is primarily experienced after the death of a loved one, you are not alone. Most of us learned as young children that when a family member passes away, the rest of the family grieves. While this holds a great deal of truth, you may not realize that there are many events you encounter during your journey here in life that also lead to grief, not just losing someone through death.
Think back to times of transition or change in your life. Did it feel good, or did you find yourself experiencing conflicting feelings?
Perhaps part of you felt excited or relieved, while another part felt sad, heartbroken, lost, devastated, angry, or stuck. I’m here to lovingly tell you all these reactions are a normal response to change or loss. What allows you to move forward after these events is being emotionally honest versus stuffing your feelings in a dark corner of your heart, hoping they’ll go away. You may feel shocked when unexpected events occur in your life and you find yourself struggling.
While death, divorce, and the ending of a relationship can be classified as grieving events, many others can also deeply affect each of us, including:
- Moving/Sale of Your Home
Regardless of whether you’re moving because you just built your dream home, you’re downsizing, or any other reason, it can lead to many unexpected feelings arising inside.
Your home, regardless of its size or location, is where memories are created with your family, children, and loved ones. The walls could tell stories about your life. While you might feel excited about your next adventure, you’re leaving a place that’s likely provided you with safety, comfort, and years of connection.
If you’re leaving your childhood home or the one that you raised your children in, it can feel like losing a part of yourself. Who will I be without this home?
I encourage you to make time to visit and reflect in all the rooms of your home before moving. Talk about the memories created in each space, positive and negative. If possible, do this exercise with your family members and allow each individual and their emotions to have a voice. If you find yourself tearful during this process, remember that they are a normal part of grieving and allow them to flow.
- Loss of a Job/Changing Jobs/Retirement
Most of us spend more time at work, with our coworkers than with our family. Even in unhealthy environments, you likely form connections with those you work with. You may share a common bond with your coworkers and support one another through difficult times in your career as well as your personal lives.
When you lose a job, retire, or choose to shift your focus, not only do you leave something that you once loved, but you also leave the individuals that you worked with, sometimes for years. It can feel like the ending of many relationships, leaving you feeling alone and filled with conflicting emotions.
I encourage you to create time to speak with your coworkers one-on-one before your last day. Being emotionally honest and expressing what you’ve appreciated about working with each of them can help ensure there’s no unfinished communication that often leads to future regrets.
If you’re retiring, you may feel a loss of purpose as you navigate your daily life moving forward. Honor your feelings, and stay connected with your friends and coworkers as you step into your new life. Be gentle with yourself as you navigate this new chapter.
- Loss of Health
If you’ve been generally healthy most of your life and now find yourself managing many appointments with your healthcare providers, it can feel overwhelming. And, as you move through life and find that your body doesn’t allow you to do the things your mind dreams of, it can feel heartbreaking.
You might ask yourself… Who am now that I’ve been diagnosed with ______? How do I navigate my life with these health issues?
If you’re trying to be strong, I invite you to instead be emotionally honest. Knowing your health has taken a turn can feel scary. Unknowns can lead us down rabbit holes of what-ifs.
Find individuals who will be a listening heart for you, those who will listen without trying to fix, provide advice, or compare their struggles with yours. Speak from your heart, and be emotionally honest about your concerns and fears. Often, just being heard is the first step to healing and allows you to continue moving forward even in the most difficult of times.
- Empty Nest
As parents, you spend at least 18 years focusing on raising your children, which includes providing a loving home, teaching them important values, and providing for their everyday needs before launching them into the world. You might feel that your role as a parent is the most important job you will ever hold in your life—I can relate.
Your children leave home and…
You have more freedom, BUT your heart likely feels broken. You may question your purpose in life. For years, you’ve put the majority of your focus on the children you’ve been raising. And now they’ve launched into their own life. You’re happy for their success and grieving their presence in your home.
Remember that these conflicting feelings are normal when your kids leave the nest. Find supportive individuals you can be emotionally honest with while expressing your heartbreak during these times. It’s okay to feel sad. It’s okay to question your purpose moving forward. Give yourself lots of extra love and self-care as you find ways to nurture and love yourself.
With any change, transition, or loss you experience, it’s important to honor and normalize your emotions. Reach out to your tribe of individuals who will choose to support and love you. Ask for help—there are many tools available to support you while navigating these difficult parts of your journey. Be gentle with yourself, and remember that your heart matters; give it a voice and nurture it while it heals.
