Most people, at times, feel unappreciated or unseen in their relationship. If you find yourself feeling that way and unsure how to get out of that dynamic… read on.
Maybe you feel like everything falls on you? You’re giving way more than you’re getting, and at times, you resent your partner for not holding up their end.
That “mental scorecard” in your mind certainly paints a clear picture of “who does more around here” (and it’s you), while the negative scores on your partner’s side of the scorecard are really stacking up!
Maybe they didn’t respond the right way or at the right time. Maybe they didn’t follow through on something they said they’d do. Maybe they didn’t acknowledge something you did. Maybe they put lackluster effort into your birthday, anniversary, or an important holiday, even though you did a lot for them on that special occasion.
In case you’re wondering, no, I’m not watching you! It’s a common human experience for people today because no one gets the skill set to SOLVE this common unwanted dynamic (until now).
For decades, people in these situations have been left to “hope” it will get better on its own or they resort to old tactics like:
- Withholding their “giving” to even out the score
- Showing their disdain with snide remarks, eye rolls, and passive aggressive behavior
- Checking out of the relationship
- Lashing out (usually in the form of yelling, ranting, crying, or venting)
- Stopping all they’ve been doing around the house so their partner “feels the pain”
About that last one, if you have kids in the house, it’s much harder to just stop, because someone has to take care of the house and kids. So instead of stopping, you end up ranting that nobody cares about you, you’re the only one doing anything, and you might as well be the maid!
Many people in this situation also try to convince their partner to contribute and do what needs to be done, only to have the nagging, pushing, and policing backfire, so that you end up doing it yourself anyways and feeling resentful.
If any of this sounds familiar, please hear me when I tell you that it’s not your fault! There’s nothing wrong with you and there’s nothing wrong with your partner. This dynamic is just a SYMPTOM of the old, broken relationship paradigm we’ve been handed.
These old and broken tactics will never give you the unconditional love, connection, support and harmonious household you want.
In fact, as we have proven, this old approach in relationships actually breaks down relationships, even though people certainly don’t mean to do so.
What that means is, no matter how high you turn up the volume on these old, broken tactics and no matter how many times you threaten to leave if things/they don’t change, and no matter how much blame, shame, or guilt you throw at them, it will not work to build up the relationship. You can swap this partner out for the next one (like most folks) and the dynamic will repeat. It’s not the partner. It’s the paradigm.
While in this article, I can’t explain everything about the new Relationship Development® paradigm and method that my husband and I invented as a solution to this, I can tell you that our method has solved this “measuring stick” pain point and many others. I’ll offer you these 3 insights as a starting point.
First, with Relationship Development, you can replace the old, broken tactics with new and proven skill sets that transform your relationship while also building it up (instead of tearing it down).
Second, your measuring stick is the thing that is actually causing you PAIN, not the reality of what’s happening (or not happening). Let me explain. The minute YOU apply the MEANING to this dynamic of “I do MORE” or “they don’t do enough”, that’s when you feel PAIN about the relationship.
So please know that you are blaming something OUTSIDE of you (partner, kids) for something that is actually happening INSIDE your own thoughts. Meaning, you are attaching a meaning “I don’t want to be less-than” or “I want to be shown that I matter” or whatever it is for you.
That meaning is only true in your thoughts and must be solved IN your thoughts so you can be free.
Third, the old broken tactics don’t work because they came out of generations past where relationships were “arrangement-based” and orders were given and followed. In case you haven’t noticed, people (Thank God) are not into following orders anymore. Especially not in relationships that are supposed to be about love.
But no one ever taught humans the skill sets for interacting in relationships without using “arrangement-based” tactics (like boss and employee tactics).
It’s a new time in humanity (yay) and we need new skill sets for operating in this time successfully.
It’s not your fault, it’s not your partner’s fault or your kid’s fault. Though the longer you go without learning these skill sets it’s becoming your CHOICE to stay stuck in painful dynamics from outdated tactics.
Relationship is a skill set, and it can be learned and used! To start learning the proven skill sets it takes to navigate real life with people who are wired differently than you, and do it while still being authentically you without compromise, settling, or bulldozing, check out our training at www.RelationshipBreakthroughSecrets.com.
