Many people come to Paul and I because the love and passion they desire (and miss) in their relationship has faded and they want it back.
It’s common for us to hear things like:
- We feel more like roommates these days.
- I miss how we used to be together.
- I’ve tried …but I can’t take another rejection from putting myself out there.
- During the day I can avoid thinking about it because I’m busy with life, but at night I feel lonely and miss the passion we used to have.
- I’m not even sure it’s possible for us to get that spark back.
After over ten years of working with thousands and thousands of people, I can tell you what actually causes love and passion to fade, and what doesn’t.
What’s NOT the cause?
- It’s NOT you.
- It’s NOT your spouse (hang on)…
- And It’s NOT the two of you together that’s the cause either.
It is NOT because love FADES over time. I know everyone says that passion fades fast and love fades over time. Those are LIES. That’s not true at all.
The experience of love & passion fading over time in a long-term relationship is a SYMPTOM.
What’s the CAUSE of this symptom? The actual cause is something I call “the bricks in the wall between you”.
When I say bricks in the wall, here’s what I mean.
Every time there is a hurt or upset between you and your partner, a brick goes into the wall between the two of you. Each brick represents an unresolved hurt, upset, or kerfuffle.
In the beginning of a relationship, there is no wall. It’s easy to relate and enjoy each other without kerfuffles. Over time, as more and more bricks go into the wall, you FEEL the effects of these bricks in your relationship.
Everything your partner says or does is flavored by the unsolved bricks in the wall. Sometimes you have a kerfuffle and 1 brick goes into the wall. Other times, a storm erupts out of nowhere and 5 bricks go into the wall.
In a long-term relationship, without the skill sets to solve the bricks in the wall, eventually the wall becomes so high that you can barely see the person on the other side.
All you see when you look at them are the unsolved pains, upsets, and disappointments. All you feel when they are near is the energy of the bricks in the wall between you. It gets to the point where you can’t even feel the person you fell in love with anymore.
That’s when most people question if they even love their spouse or if their spouse loves them. This is why people falsely believe that they fell out of love or the passion faded.
When you are unaware of the brick wall, what choice do you have but to blame yourself, the other person or the relationship? This is the mistake most humans have been making for a long time.
What about the love & the passion then?
Allow me to explain. Imagine that I have a garden in my yard. It’s four feet by four feet and flourishing with beautiful flowers, colorful veggies, and healthy green herbs.
Now imagine that I cover my garden beds with sixteen cement cinder blocks, crushing my flowers, veggies, and herbs. A week later, I meet you outside by my garden and say to you,
“Oh, these plants are just the worst! No matter what I do, they just won’t grow. I come out here to pick veggies, but there’s nothing! I come out here to cut flowers, and there are none! No matter what I do, there’s no flowers, no veggies, and no herbs. This garden is useless, and I don’t even know why I bother!”
Mind you, we are both standing there looking at a garden covered in cement bricks. What do you think?
Is it the flower’s fault? Did I use the wrong seeds? Maybe I didn’t water enough? NO? What then?
OH! Take the freaking cement bricks off the garden!? Hehe!
Yes, maybe just taking the bricks off the garden beds is the best first step. This way the plants have a chance to breathe, get sunlight, and grow.
Now, do I have to remove every brick for ANY of the plants to start growing again? Nope. Even if I just remove ONE brick, the plants underneath will start to grow again.
The same is true with your love and passion.
Your love & passion is dying under the weight of the brick wall between you. And just like the plants, when you start removing the bricks in the wall, your love & passion will start to flourish again.
Thousands of our students have done it and you can too when you are finally given the proven solutions to the bricks in the wall between you. It feels amazing to finally actually SOLVE the things that caused the bricks to stack into the wall and get the skill sets to prevent more bricks from going into the wall.
It’s like a breath of fresh air each time another brick comes out of the wall. And before you know it, you can see and feel the person you fell in love with again.
Relationship is a skill set and it can be learned!
After 14 years of serving thousands of students, we’re happy to give you the proven skill set training in our Relationship Development method. Just visit HelloRDO.com to schedule a 1-1 call with one of our Relationship Development Advisors today.
