It’s no surprise that healthy relationships enhance the quality of our lives. Being in a healthy relationship where we feel heard, understood, and valued is likely to contribute to our feeling happier and more satisfied with life. But having a healthy relationship takes work and even the strongest relationships can experience turbulence. According to statistics 41 percent of first marriages end in divorce and 60 percent of second marriages end in divorce.
The reasons for relationship turbulence are varied, but there’s generally a combination of issues that have eroded the relationship overtime. Mending a damaged relationship takes two people who are willing to do the work to heal the relationship. So, the first question you and your significant other must answer is, “do we want to heal this relationship?” Take your time with this question and answer honestly.
If you both have decided that you are willing to embark on the beautiful healing journey, here are 5 ways to heal a damaged relationship using the PEACE method.
The 5-part PEACE method:
P is for Present Moment. Make the decision to forgive the past. This is a big step, and it requires that you relinquish your right to be angry, sulk, or seek revenge. Instead, you decide that today is more important than yesterday. This does not mean that you do not openly discuss the events that damaged the relationship, but it does mean that when your partner speaks you make every effort to listen with an open heart, without judgement or condemnation. You make every effort to understand your partner. Lower your defenses and listen.
E is for Express Yourself. Communication is key in any healthy relationship. Expressing yourself openly and honestly is as important as listening with an open heart. Allow yourself to be vulnerable and transparent. This can be difficult when you feel hurt and unsafe but remember you and your partner have decided that the relationship is worth healing and that means that you must show up as your authentic self. You must be willing to express what you are feeling without attempting to shame or blame your partner. This is your opportunity to use statements like; “currently I feel lonely and disconnected, but I love you and I want to feel connected and supported.”
A is for Awareness of Self. It’s time to give yourself some much-needed attention. Take an honest inventory of who you have been and how you have been showing up in the relationship. Have your needs changed? Have your goals changed? Do not judge yourself. Be loving and kind as you honestly look at your behavior. If you’re like most of us you will discover that you are not perfect and that you have also made mistakes in the relationship. Take this opportunity to completely forgive yourself. Self-awareness helps you feel more whole, complete, and wise. As you learn to accept and love yourself you can begin to work on the areas within yourself that you want to improve. Self-awareness helps you see your part in the damaged relationship so that you can genuinely ask your partner for forgiveness.
C is for Conflict. Learn to lean into conflict. Yes, you read that correctly, lean into conflict. You and your partner are uniquely designed, and you both have different opinions, different needs, and different ways of expressing yourselves. There will be conflict. If you believe you can close your eyes to avoid dealing with conflict you will discover that attempting to avoid conflict eventually results in larger issues. When you make the decision to face the conflicts with love and a genuine desire to learn more about your needs and your partners needs you improve communication, and this helps you both feel heard, seen, and valued. Conflict provides a great learning opportunity, but we have to be willing to explore resolution together while resisting the urge to blame, condemn, or shame the other person. Select a time for the discussion. I have found it helpful to ask the other person if this is a convenient time for a heart-to-heart discussion. You want to make sure that your partner has the time and emotional energy to engage in the discussion. Be willing to schedule a mutually convenient time.
E is for Elbow Grease. It’s time to go to work on building a new foundation. Decide what you will do differently to show up as your authentic self and to address the needs of your partner. Make a commitment to do the tangible things that need to be done to improve the relationship. Maybe this means you will schedule date night, participate with the household chores, spend less money, or allow for more independent free time. This is where you take intentional action towards addressing the needs that your partner has openly shared. Don’t worry about being perfect, just start. Make a commitment to openly discuss progress and be willing to re-adjust and recommit as often as necessary.
Relationships require both parties to make a commitment to continually work on maintaining and evolving. There will be turbulence, but utilizing the PEACE method and, when necessary, enlisting the help of trained professionals can greatly improve the quality of your relationship.
Sources
https://www.healthline.com/health/how-to-save-a-relationship
https://www.thehealthy.com/family/relationships/how-to-fix-a-broken-relationship/
https://www.wikihow.com/Mend-a-Broken-Relationship
https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/how-to-repair-a-relationship-in-5-steps-0717194
https://www.jesuscalling.com/blog/mending-a-broken-relationship-its-possible/
