Sometimes our inner critic (or our ego) is running the show and we don’t even know it. It can run our lives for so long, that we don’t know anything different and soon the internal negative chatter feels normal. This chatter drains our energy, causes us to feel as though we are not enough and can also lead to judgment of ourselves or others. That inner critic voice comes from a fearful place within called “lack” and never feels good.
Our inner critic creates the disempowering and untrue whisperings of self-talk that we hear in our minds. It comes from conditioned responses based on our life experiences, self-judgments, fears, and evolution’s fight or flight responses hard coded in our reptilian brain. Its altruistic design is to whisper ideas or messages that it thinks will keep us safe and comfortably stuck where we are.
But, if we can instead sit down and have a conversation with our inner wisdom, aka, our heart, and intuition, we can uncover our personal false beliefs, stories, and patterns. From that place of awareness, we can choose to take inspired actions on new thoughts, patterns, and beliefs.
A question that comes up often when working with our inner critic is “How do we discern the voice of our inner critic from that of our higher self?
Let’s begin by examining some of the symptoms of our inner critic’s whisperings:
- Feelings of Not-Enoughness. “I’m not enough” or “I’m not worthy”. “Who am I to do or say that?” We may feel misaligned, disconnected, or unbalanced. We may feel we are not worthy or accepting of help. We may sense a lack of trust in ourselves or others. We believe that good things always come to others but not to us and true success is just a pipe dream.
- Judgment, Self-doubt, & Worry. “I’m so stupid” or “I can’t do this”. The thoughts or beliefs we are focusing on induce anxiety and take away the joy in the moment. These thoughts can leave us feeling drained, negative, stuck, overwhelmed, exhausted, or powerless to change our situation.
- Procrastination. This leads to engaging in behaviors that keep us from putting ourselves out there, playing small, or filling up our day with tasks to avoid getting to the truly important things that move us forward toward our dreams. We may disengage because we’re “too busy”, “too tired”, “too overwhelmed”, or “it’s too hard”.
- “What if” Thinking. “What if they don’t accept me?” “What if I fail or get rejected?” “What if it doesn’t work?” “What if I lose/leave my job or money stops coming in?” Not reaching out to avoid hurt or rejection or staying in a familiar but less-than-ideal situation because it seems easier than the dream or desire.
- Fear or Guilt. We often focus on our fears of the unknown and worst-case scenarios instead of expecting the best to happen in any given situation. It may be difficult releasing guilt from past events or forgiving ourselves or others. We may fear speaking up. We expect that failures in our past dictate our future or may get caught up in a fear of what the future may bring.
- Defensiveness. We feel ourselves getting defensive when someone offers a suggestion or advice. We close down or don’t want to hear other ideas or opinions. We anger easily or blame others for things not going our way.
Here are six journal prompts to help you recognize when your inner critic is center stage:
- When did this belief begin? Do I remember this from childhood or from others in my life speaking it? [If “yes” then the inner critic may be in control.]
- Does this thought or belief I have ring true for me now? [If not, then it’s time to consciously choose a different thought.]
- How does this thought, or belief make me feel when I say it out loud?
- Would I lovingly repeat this thought or belief to a small child?
- Is this thought or belief keeping me comfortably stuck or inhibiting me from trying something new?
- Is this thought or belief inspiring to me? Does it bring me joy?
After your journaling exercise, which gives you a deeper understanding of how the inner critic shows up for you, it’s time to shift the energies and quiet down the chatter
Soothe Your Inner Critic Process
One technique that I recommend to clients is to give your inner critic an identity and treat it very respectfully and lovingly. Perhaps it’s your 6-year-old-self vying for your attention. Or maybe it’s a barking puppy, I named mine “Charlie”. Be kind and compassionate. Your inner critic is simply a wounded part of you that just wants to be loved, heard, and acknowledged.
When a disempowering thought appears, talk lovingly to it. Imagine giving it a hug, saying “thank you, I hear you, we are safe, now go out and play. I got this. All is well”. Then become still and listen for your inner wisdom to take the lead and whisper from your heart.
We know when we are hearing from our inner wisdom because these empowering thoughts feel good and represent our aspirations and true authentic self. The emotions these thoughts invoke resonate at a much higher energetic frequency. Our inner wisdom is that “gut feeling” or “inner knowing” and comes from our Source, whomever we believe that to be, which only wants the very best for us. When we trust, embrace, and take inspired actions on these thoughts, and get out of our own way, we will be led to a life of joy and happiness, doing and being and living what we love.
