“When we’re young, we think we know it all. It won’t be until we are actually in the thick of life reality that we learn some hard truths about living and learning and growing from life experiences that ultimately shapes the person you become.” ~ Clara Freeman
Growing up in the country, a young, impressionable little girl, I watched a lot of television on weekends after school, marveling at the lives of the actors on screen. So glamorous, compared to living in the country. The open spaces, clean, fresh air, warm summers, orange sunsets, and colorful rainbows in a blue sky, could not stymie my yearnings for more out of life. Anything other than the vast farmlands where I was raised alongside seven of my siblings, would be something akin to how Church people envisioned Heaven. Graduating from high school at the age of eighteen, I packed a small duffel bag with the few clothes that I owned, said my good-byes to my family and hitched a ride in the backseat of some distant relative’s Chevrolet that was pointed in the direction of bright lights and city streets. Some twelve hours later, I was deposited on the doorstep of my half-brother, his wife and three children, ringing their doorbell and wondering what the heck I’d done.
I was young, naïve, and soft as butter. Any and everything hurt my sensitive feelings, causing me to feel like an outcast. A stranger in a strange land, I’d often wake up in the wee hours of the morning, in a sweat, trying not to disturb one of my nieces sleeping beside me in a narrow bed. I sensed how my unexpected arrival was an “inconvenience” to my brother and his family. I was the intruder who bent over backwards to help my sister-in-law, hoping she’d accept me and even, perhaps, like me. In time, I became the designated babysitter for my sister-in-law who returned to school and obtained her telephone operating certification. I felt I owed it to care for the children while she worked.
Things might have gone that way for more than the two years I lived with them if I hadn’t spoken out and was told in no uncertain terms to leave by my sister-in-law. Luckily, I had formed a bond with another teenager whose mom opened their doors to me. I began going to Church where a kindhearted woman asked what I was going to do with my life. I was twenty and had no idea. The woman took out a pad and pen from her purse and began scribbling “Here’s the address and telephone number to an Adult Continuing Education school. They pay you to attend Nursing classes. Call them and set up an appointment.” I remember thanking her, while glancing at the piece of paper in my hands and wondering, where the heck was State Street.
I’m sharing this because it all ended well for me. I attended nursing school, had a setback, but hung in there to complete the credits I needed to graduate. I became a nurse and for once felt I belonged. I dived in with completing assignments, helping my patients through their illnesses and instructing them in self-care. I cried hard and deeply at every loss of life. I formed lasting relationships, learning early on how to recognize cliques and inauthentic people. But mostly, I never stopped learning life’s many lessons. I’ve always been an empathic person who learned that kindness didn’t cost a thing. I also learned that I matter and that I’m not inconsequential.
My sister-in-law and I healed old wounds before she died. I reconnected with my family before my parents and three of my siblings passed. I miss them with my whole being, but I continue to live an authentic life and share unconditional love to my adult children and grandchildren. We’re not promised a rose garden, but we can make our living better as we grow, learn and become.
5 INSIGHTS LEARNED ON MY JOURNEY TO BECOMING A BETTER ME:
- Know who you are. Who are we really? From where do we hail? Learn the history of family/roots/your beginnings/family ambitions/morals/values/spirituality/ their obstacles & triumphs…find out from whence you came.
- Trust your intuitiveness. A lot of people call your innermost feelings, your intuition at work. A lot of the elders call it, “a gift” from God. I tend to lean toward this knowing as being both a spiritually awakening and a special something that we all have but haven’t known how to embrace. As a little girl, I’ve always had an uncanny sense of perception where I could basically read a person’s truth after an initial introduction. I don’t say I’m gifted, just that I take advantage of my intuitive sensory perceptions!
- Keep the faith. This simple affirmation isn’t simple, really. It takes a lot as a spiritual being, living a human existence, to keep faith alive. Amid trials & tribulations, loss and pain, hunger, greed and homelessness, sickness, and death, hate and separatism, discrimination, and injustice, we’re living life experiences. We must stay in prayer, bring awareness to the unjust, keep the faith and keep sharing the love for self and for others. According to Martin Luther King, love is the only thing that can drive out hate… and for me, where love is God is
- Love Yourself. How can you love someone else when you don’t have self-love? Learn to give of yourself but never to the point of becoming a do-gooder that threatens to deplete your positive energies. Learn to say no. In the words of Wes Moore, author of The Work, “Don’t let people that don’t matter too much matter too much.” If people can’t accept your authenticity, they certainly won’t want to walk in theirs. Just be who you are and carry on
- Doubt the false narrative that is fear. This is a biggie even for me. I’ve been fearful of change in the past, but I’ve accepted that to grow, there must be positive change in the right direction. Take stock of where you are on your journey to wholeness and refuse to live your one life, bitter and afraid. What’s holding you back? Ask yourself if you will continue to live in fear of change. When we opt for change, we opt for better. We only have this one human life, and we deserve to live it happy, healthy, whole, and better than when we began.
