There is one thing that sabotages relationships all around the world, every day. It sneaks insidiously into marriages, destroying families left and right. The worst part? We all have to deal with this silent destroyer of relationships!
But fear not! We know how to help you identify and eliminate these little dragons sabotaging your relationships. What are they? Lies and their mischievous twin, false beliefs!
Lie #1: In order for relationships to work, you just have to be nice, suck it up, stay quiet and make everyone else happy.
False!!! No matter what you have been told before, you “pleasing” everyone is NEVER going to create amazing relationships.
It can’t possibly! Because, when you are just being “nice” and sucking it up, you are miserable and not being your authentic self. Listen, you cannot possibly have an UNSHAKEABLE love when you are miserable and not being your authentic self.
It’s a LIE that you need to be nice, suck it up, stay quiet and make everyone else happy. I know, this has been taught to us for generations. We have all been conditioned to be the Non-Power Player in Demand Relationship. (If you missed my column on Demand Relationship click here to read.)
Whether you are the Power Player (making the demands) or the Non Power Player (doing the pleasing) in Demand Relationship…Demand Relationship always leads to the break DOWN of the relationship. So STOP pleasing!
Before you get all “I’m gonna stop pleasing everyone and finally speak out and get things my way now”…hold on a minute.
When you give up being the Non-Power Player (pleaser), please do not make the mistake of just switching into the Power Player (Demander) role. Because that breaks down your relationships just as fast.
The solution is to STOP doing Demand Relationship (the win-lose) and start learning the Relationship Development® (win-win) tools and strategies to build up your relationship. Start learning how to create a win-win result in any relationship situation! It is absolutely possible, we do this every day around here.
Lie #2: If my partner doesn’t do this work with me, I have to do all the work and they get to do NOTHING and I have to settle for them never changing.
You may think…
- They won’t have to change and I have to change everything.
- If they don’t care and I do, then I’m the loser, weak, needy etc…
- I’ll do “X” but only if they do “Y”.
Guess what? When you go first with Relationship Development, your partner will change. Because in a relationship, it’s a closed loop. You and your partner have been showing up in a certain way that both of you know exactly what to expect from each other.
Showing up differently will trigger them to respond differently because you put something else into the loop. When you keep showing up differently, you get a new result from this closed loop!
Now, you may want your partner to do this work with you to prove that you matter out of your own fear that you don’t matter or your own worry that your relationship is not a priority for them. After measuring and scorekeeping for so long, you can’t bear to be the “loser”.
Are you willing to hold onto your fear and suffer with your relationship staying stuck or worse, spiraling downward? It’s time to stop score-keeping, harness your courage and DECIDE to take action for your relationship…so that YOU can live in the relationship that you have always wanted!
Lie #3: No matter what I do, they will never change.
One of the biggest lies we tell ourselves is that our partner will never change. Well, if you were to divorce your current partner, watch them meet someone else and fall in love…they will change.
That relationship will be fresh and it will seem like they’re free from all of the crap that built up with you until the pattern repeats itself and that new relationship turns to crap too!
Two facts are true:
Fact 1: Everyone changes.
Fact 2: You can’t demand that someone else change to please you.
When you hear, “People don’t change.” That’s a lie. What they mean is, “I can’t get other people to change the way that I want them to change!”
The truth is …. people change when they authentically want to change for themselves.
They change easily when we inspire change. It’s transformation through inspiration, a skillset that can be learned.
Ask yourself every day, “Am I showing up as my best and most authentic self with my partner and my relationships?”
One of our students, Bonnie, believed that her relationship was to the point of no return. Luckily, Bonnie’s sister, had gone through our RelationshipU program and had begun to see inspiring change in her life. Bonnie started to have hope that it could work for her too!
Even though her husband was not at all into personal growth or development, Bonnie signed up for the program and began making shifts. When she chose to transform, her relationships at work, with her kids and with her husband began to flourish.
All because she showed up as a Relationship Transformer without power playing or using Demand Relationship™.
A year after turning their marriage around, her husband was inspired to show up at one of our events! All of Bonnie’s great relationship results gave him hope!
It only takes one to say yes. And the best part is that saying yes not only turns your marriage around it also:
- Gives you the skills to be empowered in all of your relationships
- Allows you to finally show up as your best and most authentic self
- Gives you the opportunity to be the happiest you have ever been
- Allows you to finally be the parent you know you want to be for your kids
- Frees you from the pains and struggles in your relationships with others and yourself
- Breaks the family chains of Demand Relationship™
…and you inspire people all around you! You never know who is gathering hope through your journey!
Our relationship transformers are the heroes who choose to step forward. Start doing something different today…
Step 1: Catch yourself – What are the false beliefs keeping you stuck? What holds you back from making a change in your relationship?
Step 2: Crush those false beliefs and get to the truth.
Step 3: If you need help identifying or crushing your false beliefs, join our Relationship Transformer Facebook Group and ask for our help!
Lie #4: But My Partner Is…. But My Partner is Not…
You may think:
“Well this won’t work for me because my partner is:
- ADHD
- A narcissist
- A workaholic
- Addicted to {fill in the blank}
- A cheater
- Anything else…
Or, on the flip side, “My partner is not:
- A growth person like me!
- An entrepreneur like me!
- Into healthy eating like me!
- Religious like me!
- Anything else…”
After working with thousands of clients all around the world, Paul and I are here to tell you that it does work, it can happen and that we see it happen — in relationships just like yours — every single day!
It doesn’t matter what you have navigated. It doesn’t matter what is going on. Whatever limiting belief you are holding about how your relationship with your partner can’t work because_____. Do NOT let those hold you back.
Start the journey of transforming your relationship by watching this free webinar, “How to Get the Unshakable Love and Unleashed Passion You Want In Your Relationship…. Even If Your Partner REFUSES to Change!”
