Do these words sound familiar?
You’re so emotional. Lighten up, you take things so personally. Why are you so quiet? (I heard that one a lot). You’re talking too loud.
No matter what you do, you get the strong message that you’re inadequate or completely flawed.
You entered the world with the knowledge that you’re whole, complete, and worthy as you are.
As you grew-up, amnesia set in as loved ones said things to you like big girls don’t cry, stop being selfish, stop asking so many questions, don’t be a doormat, don’t let your head swell, clean your plate, don’t eat so much.
Your head spun with so many conflicting messages. But instead of questioning them, you learned to project an image of who you should be so that others would accept you.
Wearing a mask proved to be less anxiety-producing than revealing your true self. Who can blame you for choosing a safer path? At least people are nice to you, which feels good. Your workplace rewards you with bonuses and high-fives. Your parents brag about you at their country club.
There’s a payoff! You’re finally getting life right! On the surface anyway.
Sooner or later you realize the payoff is just not worth living a lie. You cycle between sadness and anger and you don’t know how to find peace. But you say or do nothing for fear of rocking the boat because you don’t want to hear the usual negative reactions if you do.
I’ve heard all the discouraging messages as far back as I can remember. I learned long ago I was supposed to just “suck-it-up,” that’s life, no one wants to hear me whine, can’t I take a joke?
If you’ve had enough, you can decide right now to stop listening to those messages. Choose to make yourself right for being who you really are.
This is a practice, so when you feel yourself slipping into old patterns, remember that no one else is you or living your life. They have their ways of being in the world; you have yours. That doesn’t necessarily mean one is better than another, and that doesn’t mean you can’t agree to disagree. And that certainly doesn’t mean you have to put up with their behavior and adjust yours to please them.
You’re free to honor and express your truth. You’re free to be imperfect. Free to love whoever you please. Free to do work you love. Free to choose what you focus on. And free to decide what makes you happy.
What else can you do to be happy with just being you?
Let go of anxiety. Here’s an adaptation of a micro-practice I learned from Martha Beck: for just 90 seconds, let go of your anxieties or worries about not getting it right or not being enough. Let it all go to a higher power or into the ocean or the Earth, any container that can hold it for you. Notice any sensations that come up in your body. At the end of the 90 seconds, ask yourself how you can use that sensation throughout your day.
Practice gratitude. Gratitude will help you develop a new way of looking at yourself and your life. So many of us are trained to notice what’s broken or lacking in our lives. With gratitude you can see your life as an opportunity. One simple way to practice gratitude is to create a journal in which you list 3 things about yourself that you are thankful for. You can do this daily, weekly, or monthly, although at first, a daily journal will help you get used to appreciating who you really are.
Embrace your imperfections. We all have imperfections that drive others mad, but they can be your guide to creating a life you love. For example, you may be someone who doesn’t follow directions well but you still get the job done. Instead of berating yourself – and letting others do the same – look at this from another angle: you like to improvise and probably have an amazing ability to connect the dots. If that’s how you roll, that can lead you to opportunities that welcome those qualities – and away from the ones that don’t.
As you practice these tips, inner shifts will begin to occur, and you’ll be surprised at how strong and content you feel. That sense of fulfillment is you stepping powerfully into your authentic self.
