I drove along the tree lined streets of a quiet neighborhood with all the windows down letting the spring air caress my face. The smell of fresh cut grass tickled my nose. Through the windshield, my tear-filled eyes beheld the bluest of skies while I pounded the steering wheel with rage.
I was going through one of the most painful, but transformative periods of my life. I was in the throes of healing from long buried childhood trauma that had resurfaced. I was a single mom with a beautiful six-year old daughter; this pain was robbing me of being completely present with her.
With sobs racking my body, I pulled the car over and attempted to compose myself. So many intense emotions ripped through me at once, I felt like I was splitting open. I was angry—angry about what had happened to me. There was an immense sadness for a childhood lost—stolen from me. And, again, anger that because of a childhood betrayal; I would never know who I was meant to be. I was disappointed with my own lack of strength to pull myself out of the pain. The emotional pain ran deep. I feared I would not find my way out—as I had done in the past. This time, despair was taking me prisoner dragging me into its depths.
I had never been one to turn to a higher power or believe that one was even available for me to turn to. But that day, in the spring of 1991, I didn’t know what else to do, where else to turn. I remember shaking my fist at the heavens and ‘yelling’ at the blue sky. I let it all out, all the while hoping there really was someone up there that could hear me.
If there was a God, he was going to get an earful. I let out 29 years of pain, anguish and shame with no holds barred. More than an hour later, sitting there in my tear-soaked cotton t-shirt, I was emotionally and physically spent. I was empty.
What happened next still blows my mind. The memory is still so vivid to me — as if it happened just yesterday. Everything became very still. The breeze stopped. I couldn’t hear the sound of lawnmowers in the distance. I was acutely aware of my heart beating and my labored breath. I basked in a deep peace –something I had never experienced. This moment held an indescribably intensity that I can still feel but am at a loss to describe.
And then, I heard It: A stern, but gentle and loving whisper that would transform my life, heal my heart and allow me to begin a dance with my authentic self. The voice of my sacred truth.
“The experiences of your childhood do not erase the core of who you are. It has been there all along but you have chosen not to see it and to focus on the pain. You hold the power to become who you desire to be at any time. The power is yours – you’ve had it all along. You can CHOOSE to be who you want to be. Who do you want to be at the deepest core of your being?”
Epiphany! Not only was my mind suddenly and clearly grasping this concept but my heart was filled with pure hope, a feeling I hadn’t experienced in a long, long time. The wisdom I heard that day seemed so simplistic but my heart resonated with truth – an inner knowing. Sitting in the car that day, I never for one moment questioned the wisdom I heard.
I can choose!!! What? I have a CHOICE about this pain, my life, my feelings and my heartache? It was an empowering thought.
What do I want for myself?
A beautiful surge of energy coursed through me. Was this Hope I was feeling? I began ransacking my car, searching through the French fries tucked in the seat’s crevices to find a pen. Paper, paper I need paper. Thoughts were coming fast and furious. A coffee stained Dunkin Donuts® napkin was all I could find. I began writing furiously…
“I want to be loving”
“I want to feel deserving.”
“I want to radiate love.”
“I want to be kind and trusting and filled with hope.”
“I want to experience true joy.”
“I want to know inner peace.”
“I want to experience self-love.”
“I want to make a difference in the world.”
“I want to forgive.”
The list filled both sides of the napkin with the deepest desires of my heart. Up until that day, I had never allowed myself to believe that any of those feelings were even possible for me. Now, out of the blue, I am made to see that anything is possible and I had just been given the key to attain it.
That Spring day in 1991 was the day I took back my life. For many years, that napkin never left me. Tattered, torn and finally unreadable it was my symbol of hope and transformation.
I began filling my life with uplifting, inspirational books and tapes from leading visionaries such as Norman Vincent Peale, Florence Scovel Shinn, Napoleon Hill and Ernest Holmes. They became my virtual mentors. As the years went by, I added to my transformational tool kit. I soaked up the transformational wisdom of teachers such as Marianne Williamson, Louise Hay, Tony Robbins, Debbie Ford, Cheryl Richardson and more. I absorbed all I could and became a dedicated student of living from the inside out, using my mind and heart to transform my life.
The discovery I made that day–that I could dump the junk that I had been carrying for close to thirty years and live a life of joy, ease and love– was the first step on an amazing transformational journey that continues to this day. The wisdom and words of the world’s leading visionaries and new thought authors initiated great change in my life and unknowingly shaped my life’s purpose.
Over 30 years may have passed, but in an instant, I can bring myself back to “the moment” in my car, when I emptied my pain and filled my heart. Today, life has come full circle for me. I am blessed with a daughter who has grown into a wonderful, loving and compassionate woman and is now a mother herself. Since 2006, I’ve been the publisher of the leading women’s inspirational magazine, Aspire that serves tens of thousands of women. My journey also led me to birth, in 2010, Inspired Living Publishing to give women a voice and a platform to share their stories using our Authentic Storytelling™ model. Over 260 women have stepped into our projects and we’ve released nineteen bestsellers.
But when I’m asked what I do for a living, I like to say, “I use my inspirational media platform to spread a message of love, hope and self-empowerment and to remind women to believe in possibility, honor their truth and the wisdom and power within.”
When memory brings me back to that moment, all those years ago, I experience only the beauty of the day, and I rejoice at discovering the power within.
5 Tips to Living an Intentional Life
Make the Choice. Today! Yes, it’s as simple as that. EVERY choice you make either brings you closer to or further away from the life you desire. The most amazing part of your journey through life is that you can adjust course at any time by making a new choice. Your past does not predict or guide your future – your choices do. Choose to live an authentic and inspired life starting today.
[Tweet “”EVERY choice you make either brings you closer to or further away from the life you desire.” @LindaJoy”]
Embrace Change. The one true constant of life is change. Nothing remains the same – all of life is about movement and transformation. For many of us, especially when wounded, fear and fight change – and hold on tight to what is, which of course keeps us from growing and expanding and claiming our inspired life. By embracing the fact that every change you experience, no matter how scary, is actually bringing you one step closer to your authentic self is empowering.
Surround Yourself. Look around you. Do the people and places in your life represent the life you desire or the life that you have? Again, it’s a choice – your choice. If you truly desire a deeper, more inspired and joyful life then choose to surround yourself with people and places that represent who you aspire to be. Begin by surrounding yourself with relationships that uplift, inspire and empower you to be the best you can be and releasing those that keep you living a ‘less than’ life.
Keep Looking Forward. Keep your focus on where you want your life to go, not where it is. It is easy to remain comfortable and complacent in life if you do not keep a vision for a bigger life in front of you. Make a vision board of the life of your dreams. Spend five minutes each day journaling or writing affirmations. Keeping the vision for your life in front of you is a powerful tool to beating complacency.
Find Forgiveness. For yourself and others. Forgiveness is one of the most powerful transformational tools we possess. The choice to release the pain and baggage is yours to make. You can choose to release the heavy burden you carry and in doing so create the space for true inner transformation and healing. The first step is to open your mind to the possibility of forgiveness.
REPUBLISHED. (C) 2010. Linda Joy. A partial excerpt from the previously published story in the bestselling book, A Juicy, Joyful Life as Choosing to Live a Joyful, Inspired Life.
Linda, so incredibly powerful. What a gift you are in sharing your experience with so many and using your personal transformation to offer hope, choice and a way for women across the world to transform themselves. Wishing you to always be surrounded by the peaceful aftermath of that turning point in your life.
Powerful story Linda <3
Thank you fro sharing your inspiring story of deep transformation. Very honest, raw and powerful. Thank you again.
Embrace change and make peace with uncertainty were the two biggest lessons the day I “emptied out” and let go. xxoo
Thank you so much for caring and sharing. You stand as a beacon for many who are in the same place you were. Blessings and best wishes to you and yours. Fondly, Judy Helm Wright, Pet Grief Coach in Missoula, Montana