One of the biggest leaps a woman makes in her self-discovery and awakening is claiming her self-worth and self-confidence. When you claim this personal source of power, you begin to identify where you are leaking power to other people, places, things and situations and you need to be willing to “let go” of them.
The easiest way to do this, is to let go of the old thoughts and beliefs you have that are keeping you trapped in your current situation.
How attached are you to your old way of thinking and how much do you really want to grow and expand?
Specifically, there are 6 main things you need to be able to let go of before you can truly develop self-confidence:
- Anger
When you are a victim, it’s easy to get angry with your family, friends and co-workers. You blame others for where you are in life and for why you’re so unhappy. You may not even realize how much you blame everyone else for your situation. Anger is a draining emotion. It also prevents you from moving forward in your life. You can’t see solutions if you’re focused on being angry at people.
Take your power back. Use anger to understand where your boundaries have been broken, what is making you so angry and then channel that anger into creating and producing. If it’s not serving you, let the anger and blame go.
- Compare & Despair
Have you ever heard that term before? Compare and despair? This is when you open Facebook or Instagram and see the happiest people on Earth on their dream vacations, getting promotions, getting engaged, opening their own business, publishing books, appearing in magazines and you say to yourself, “I haven’t done that,” “I don’t have that,” “I could never do that.” The comparison is toxic and kills our spirit one comparison at a time. Open the lines to your heart and focus on gratitude for what you do have in your life, all the gifts, all the opportunities, all the beauty. You are talented and unique with your own set of strengths, experiences and dreams. Believe in yourself. You are the treasure.
- Your Story
Sometimes when we have had a long history of being a certain way and experiencing life in a specific way (struggle, hustling, victim) we cling to those stories of survival (I was abused, I was poor). That story is all we’ve ever known and we make it a part of our identity. Are you willing to start doing something new about your problems and create a new experience?
When we create a new identity, we move forward into the unknown, into uncertainty and into risk. We move into courage and create a new identity based on new experiences, new opportunities and new challenges. This requires creativity. Don’t repeat past outer experiences. Instead listen to your inner voice and intuition. Your new creative spirit will lead you forward on the path of life.
- Scripts, Old Programming, Invisible Beliefs
Look at your thoughts and pay attention to what they’re limiting beliefs they are looping and repeating in your mind. Be willing to choose which thoughts keep you small, anxious and unmotivated and which ones delight, expand and grow you to your next level. Then, let go of the thoughts and beliefs that are bringing your confidence down.
These old, out of date past thoughts and beliefs sound like, “I’m unlovable”, “I’m unsafe”, “I’m worthless”. The beliefs you have about yourself and about others will impact you in love, career, relationships, health and life Choose beliefs that build you up not knock you down.
- Victim Orientation
Do you say things like, “I’ve tried everything and nothing ever works for me” or “I’ll never be able to do that” or how about “I’m too slow”, or “I’m too old” and “I’m not lucky”. These are beliefs you have about yourself and your brain will sabotage yourself to ensure that you’re right about your beliefs.
For example, at the last minute you are asked to give a presentation to speak on behalf of your sick boss. Do you see it as a problem or as an opportunity? In victim orientation you may think, “I can never count on anything turning out as planned.” In creator orientation, you’ll develop resilience and can see a change as plans as a new opportunity to create something new.
- Fear of Rejection
We all experience fear at some point in our lives, especially the fear of rejection. It keeps us safe and it protects us from danger. Fear can motivate us to get out of a dangerous situation, and take action towards our goals.
But most of the fear that we carry around does not serve us. It actually paralyzes and imprisons us. And this is when we turn into victims. We shrink. We hide in the shadows. And we stop trying.
This is exactly the point where people stop. Fear stops them in their tracks. Learn to not take rejection personally. Give people a chance to have their preferences and allow yourself to accept your own love and gifts, regardless of other people’s acceptance and validation of them. You’ll learn how to be self-sufficient.
There is a way out of that fear of failure, anxiety and self-doubt.
Up until now you’ve reflected and learned about your fears. You’ve let go. Now what? There’s an empty space waiting to be filled. Now it’s time for action. It’s time to turn your fears into fuel for self-discovery.
Here’s my 7 step Shakti Power exercise to turn your self-imposed limitations into power and stepping stones for self growth.
Step 1: Sacred Space
Set up some sacred space where you can breathe and meditate.
Step 2: Ask Shakti to show you the way (align with your higher self)
Step 3: See your ceiling of limitation
Is it seeing yourself as a failure, loser, worthless Is it fear of money? Is it fear of going big and being seen? Is it your fear of losing something you create because you don’t have confidence that you can handle success?
Step 4: Write down the tools you need to break the ceiling
Visualize you are successful in this dream, project, role or new level of what you’re doing. Generate feelings of success (being unstoppable, feeling secure, feeling aligned, feeling supported, feeling visionary).
Step 5: Remove your obstacles with a brave action
Identify what your brave action is and commit to a frequency – every day, every week or every month.
Step 6: Summon your trust
Trust that you can face your fear, embrace it and challenge it. Trust that you can handle the discomfort that comes up.
Step 7: Express your gift
This means being vulnerable and showing up. Set a creative expression date with yourself. If you are an artist, then write, paint, dance, sing. Share it socially or publicly. If you are a corporate professional, show creativity in your work. Look for great ideas, brainstorm, strategize and present your work with pride.
Present, ask for a promotion, speak up. Be a leader.
Once you let go of these things, you’ll be amazed at how quickly you start to develop self-confidence. You’ll let go of victim thinking and channel your energy into creating and producing. When you become the creator of your life, you live life with passion and vision your life will naturally blossom with new opportunities. Then you can become the true spirit you were destined to be.
