You want to Shine, right? Yet, at times, you do things that keep you from expressing your best self. You eat junk food, spurt out angry words, or let self-doubt talk you out of trying something new.
The problem comes when these troublesome behaviors negatively impact your life. When you realize that you have a pattern of doing (or not doing) things that keep you from the life you envision–your self-saboteur has taken over.
Self-sabotaging behavior is a reflection of an inner dynamic that keeps you from seeing who you really are. It keeps you stuck.
Let’s start with a story:
Once upon a time there was an eagle that lived like a chicken. As a baby eaglet, he had fallen from his nest and been found by a farmer who brought him back to his farm to care for. The farmer loved having the eagle so much. He fed it chicken feed, and kept it in a barn with other chickens so it would be safe and never go hungry.
One day, a man passing by asked why the eagle, proudest and most majestic of all birds, was living in a barn with chickens.
The owner said: “I love my eagle and have kept it safe and comfortable in the barn. It no longer needs to hunt or fly. It has everything it needs.”
Curious, the man wondered if the eagle had really lost its ability to fly. He picked up the eagle and said, “You belong to the sky and not to the earth. Stretch forth your wings and fly.”
The eagle gave the man a confused look, jumped down from his hands, and went back to eating chicken-feed off the dirt, where life was easy and he felt comfortable and safe.
Determined, the man tried again. He went to the roof of the house with the eagle and said, “You belong to the sky and not to the earth. Stretch forth your wings and fly.”
The eagle, frightened, squawked and fussed. He wriggled free from the man, and jumped back down to the ground to be with the other chickens.
The next day, the man took the eagle to the top of a mountain and said, “You belong to the sky and not to the earth. Stretch forth your wings and fly.”
The eagle, terrified and trembling, but seeing no other way down from the mountain, stretched his wings and flew–slowly, and not very gracefully, at first. But then, finding his confidence, he soared.
Are you a chicken or an eagle?
What self-limiting beliefs, habits, and fears block you from seeing and expressing who you truly are? How far would you soar if you could get out of your own way.
Self-sabotage is when one aspect of our being acts in conflict with another part. Two parts of our inner dynamic, the ego (conditioned self) and the soul (authentic self), are at odds.
The ego likes homeostasis. It wants to keep you small and contained in your comfort zone. This is the aspect of your being where fear resides. The Soul wants you to soar, to express your divine nature and be all you can be. This is where love resides.
Whenever you begin to stretch beyond your norm, the ego steps up to stop you. You need to be prepared for this. In its efforts to keep you safe, anytime you step out to make a change, your self-saboteur will step forward to block you.
As spiritual beings having a human experience, we are meant to grow and evolve. To do so, we will spend quite a bit of time with fear. Every time we stretch beyond the current comfort zone, we will look fear and our self-saboteur in the face.
It’s either that, or we stay stuck.
Here are some strategies that will stop your self-saboteur in its tracks:
- Learn to respond from the Authentic Self.
Pay attention to your inner dynamic. When you respond from your Authentic Self there is no gap between your intention and your action. You are able to move positively in the direction of your best self and self-sabotage does not occur. Enhance the qualities of trust, joy, creativity, enthusiasm, self-love, and self-compassion.
- Accept the Fear.
Whatever your fear is, and however it shows up in your life, your challenge is to accept it. It is a part of you and serves a valuable purpose. Those who experience the most soul growth are those who walk through fear over and over again, continually expanding their comfort zone. The fear gets easier to manage, but it never goes completely away.
- Challenge Negative Thinking.
Become aware of your inner critic and the negative stream of thoughts that impacts your choices. Ask yourself if these thoughts are rational and based on facts. Limit your interaction with people who are critical or unsupportive of your dreams. Focus on solutions. Release past failures and write a new story.
- Develop Self-Supporting Behaviors.
Dialogue with yourself in ways that are positive and encouraging. Have realistic expectations and celebrate your successes. Build confidence by setting and achieving small goals. Surround yourself with people who are supportive and affirming, and who mirror for you your highest potential.
- Develop your Wise Loving Adult.
Hone your self-parenting skills to develop a relationship with yourself that is loving and kind, yet firm and self-responsible. Take action to eliminate unhealthy habits. Create rules for yourself that guide your behavior.
- Take Time for Self-Reflection.
Self-awareness is crucial to transformation. Gain clarity around your passions, priorities, and values and determine whether your actions are in alignment. Step away from the noise of the world to listen to your own inner guidance.
Illuminating your Best Self is a marvelous adventure. It is an incredible, on-going task that takes conscious awareness, time, commitment, patience, and a ton of self-love.
