When my oldest son, Kyle, was a toddler, he never wanted to be alone (just like his mom!).
As he has grown, he loves to spend his time alone on the water. He races around the lake, pushing the wave runner to its limit, then settling down into a nice, quiet spot to fish. At the age of 20, he doesn’t realize it, but this is his form of meditation, his way of connecting to his inner soul and fueling his passion for life. The water is his muse and his life battery. My wish for Kyle is that he finds what fuels his soul and goes after it like everything else he does, full throttle!
How often do you dream of a spending few minutes to yourself? To some, that question is scary. The truth is, most of us are in love with the idea but do not enjoy being alone. When the opportunity presents itself, we are restless, we don’t know what do with ourselves, and we feel guilty for being alone! Ever feel that way? I sure have!
As I mentioned, I used to hate being alone. It was lonely to me, mostly because all I could hear was the sound of my own voice in my head, filling me with all sorts of judgements and “shoulds” and expectations. Then, I made a conscious decision to become my own best friend. If I can’t love me, how can anyone else, completely and fully love me to capacity and beyond!
I spend a lot of time in quiet mode, reflecting often, meditating and doing self-development work. I have increased my spiritual connection deeply and it has made a profound impact on my life. I am in touch my guardian angels, I can see them, I speak to them and I hear them through my heart. I know they are beside me at any moment, encouraging and supporting me as I push through my fears and doubts of pursuing my dreams. Without them, I am not sure where I would be but I imagine in a spiral of shame, self-doubt and self-loathing. I now look at being alone as my solitude, my time to connect with myself, to listen to my angels and provide peace and serenity in my crazy life.
When confronted with time alone, we often end up doing nothing but asking ourselves questions like, “what should I do?”, “why am I wasting the time that I have been craving?”, “I should do this or that, generally for someone else”, “why do I feel guilty for this time?”. Before we know it, our kids and husband are home, and guess what?! Our time alone is “up” and we have nothing to show for it—Except frustration, irritation, resentment and a feeling of unrest or unease.
The answers to our questions stem from our lack of self-compassion. We waste this precious time because we have lost touch with inner self, feeling no connection to the person you once were. We no longer know what we enjoy or what makes us “sing”. We no longer believe we even have the answers! We always focus on making others happy, slowly pushing ourselves so deep within that we need to claw our way out. Then, that thought seems so overwhelming that we simply do nothing but hope for a different outcome.
This week, I want to encourage you to slowly “reawaken” and I challenge you to spend time alone, in solitude and serenity. The difference between all of those other times? I want you to plan your time alone. Visualize what you will do, what it feels like, what it looks and sounds like, what it smells and tastes like. Maybe your plan is do absolutely nothing! Maybe you will turn on some loud music and shake your booty! Congratulations! Make it happen!
Here’s another thought to consider.
How many of us love ourselves enough, enjoy who we are enough, to do something as easy as taking a vacation day to simply be alone, to relax and recharge? How do you use your precious vacation days? Do you save them for school vacations, doctor’s appointments, kids school events? In other words, spending your time on other’s needs? I can relate, I used to do the same thing! Never once did I consider my own needs and it showed! I have a wonderful friend who actually uses her vacation time to regroup and recharge, to ensure she is showing up on purpose for her family and job. She calls them “Claire days”. Kudos Claire!
“I’m fascinated with myself and love hearing the sound of my own voice. I’d like to hear what I have to say. A lot of people don’t like being alone because they truly don’t like themselves, but I love me.” – Gene Simmons
The next time you think about being alone and it sounds lonely or selfish, change your perspective. Think of yourself alone as solitude or serenity, a time to reflect and to recharge. Get used to being with yourself! You may find you’re pretty fun to be with after all! What better present can you give to yourself than becoming your own BFF?
“What a lovely surprise to finally discover how unlonely being alone can be.” Ellen Burstyn
I would like to leave with a little actionable item to get you started on your “reawakening”.
Make a list of things you enjoy. Maybe before your kids, marriage, and demanding career.
When you feel like you have exhausted all of your ideas, dig deeper, come up with at least five more! The good stuff is always harder to find! Then consider, do these still hold interest for you?
Take it one step further. Choose one activity this week and enjoy rediscovering yourself! A little bonus exercise: journal how you feel after you complete your activity!
