I think the first time I heard about the concept of a defining moment many years ago was from Dr. Phil. I am not even sure if it was a term he coined or if he got it from someone else.
I like the idea of being able to identify a moment in time, when you had to make a decision that truly reflects the nature of your being. The only trouble with defining moments is they are usually accompanied by devastating circumstances which can make you feel as if you have been stricken with a 2 x 4. It could be the loss of a job, receiving a daunting diagnosis, the loss of a loved one or something else that shakes you to your core.
The power of a defining moment comes with the choice you make about how to handle it.
I propose that you adjust your perspective of the situation by transforming the 2 x 4 into a – to, by, for – by asking yourself three key questions.
1 – Ask yourself, “Do I feel that the devastation is happening to me?”
If your answer is yes, you are approaching the situation from the stand point of a victim. When you cast yourself in the role of victim, chances are you are not feeling very powerful. And when you make decisions based in feelings of being less than or minimized in some way, you are not making decisions which honor and respect your true value.
There is no power in believing that things happen to you.
2 – Ask yourself, “Do I feel that the devastation is happening by me?”
If your answer to this question is yes, you are on the road to a more powerful place, because you are willing to take a look at how you may be responsible for the devastation. Unfortunately, this road has a couple giant potholes. One pothole allows you to be stuck in the blame game of feeling bad about yourself and experiencing guilt. The other pothole is created by how easy it is to take on responsibility that may not be yours to begin with.
While there is some power in believing things happen by you, and sometimes they do, there is also the danger of taking on too much responsibility.
3 – Ask yourself, “Do I feel that the devastation is happening for me?”
If your answer to this question is yes, congratulations! You are clear that this circumstance, whatever it may be, is an opportunity. It may be an opportunity for you to discover strength you did not know you had. It may be an opportunity for you to deepen your faith in something bigger than you are. It may be an opportunity to learn to ask for help or depend more heavily on others.
Of the three choices, deciding that devastating circumstances are happening for you, is by far the most powerful perspective and the best way to take advantage of life’s defining moments.
