Before you write a check, I’m willing to bet that you first take a moment to find out just how much money is available in that account. You do this, of course, because you understand the inevitable consequences that would result if a check were drawn against insufficient funds: the check would bounce, your account would become overdrawn, you would incur unnecessary fees, and – to top it all off – you’d end up inconveniencing the very person you intended to compensate. For these reasons and many more, we learn to consider how much money we currently have before we commit to spending more. With practice, this skill becomes almost entirely automatic – and once it does, we never again have to worry about living beyond our means or going into debt. There is another type of debt, however, that exacts an even steeper toll on our peace of mind as well as our financial abundance, and the really troubling thing about this type of debt is that oftentimes we don’t even recognize it as a liability; we see it as a virtue instead. I call this energy debt, and I see it all too frequently among conscious, well-intended, high-functioning women like you and me.
Energetic indebtedness is a state of being that is characterized by deficiency of any kind – you know, that feeling we sometimes get when we perceive that there is “not enough” of something we really went. However we experience this deficiency – whether as a lack of time, a lack of resources, a lack of patience or even a lack of sleep – the feeling of lack is one of the first indicators that our energy funds are running low, and unless we take immediate action, our reserves will soon be depleted and our energetic accounts overdrawn. Of course, the action required of us is straightforward enough: we have to make a deposit! What this means is that anytime we become aware that we have slipped into a state of lack…anytime we are allowing outside demands to run us ragged… and anytime we catch ourselves feeling haggard, cranky, or hyper-reactive – this is a powerful signal that we must redirect the energy we are giving to others and channel it instead back into ourselves. Experiences like this send us a message that should be taken like a commandment from on high: It is time to be selfish.
I know, I know. Like me, you were probably raised with the idea that “selfish” is a naughty word and that taking care of your own needs before tending to the needs those around you means that you are egocentric, insensitive, or uncaring. Even the Webster’s dictionary perpetuates this notion, defining the word as “concern for one’s own well-being without regard for others.” It is the latter part of this definition – “…without regard for others,” – that I am inviting you to reconsider.
On the surface, giving our attention, support, encouragement or any of our other resources to someone else at a time when we ourselves feel depleted may seem like an act of selflessness and generosity. The deeper truth, however, is that giving something – anything – that we can’t afford creates an energetic debt within us, and as we all know, every debt seeks resolution – even those that are incurred in our relationships. Whether we are consciously aware of it or not, we may hold that other person responsible for the energy deficiency we created within ourselves. We may have specific expectations about how that person should go about repaying the energy we have given, or feel disappointed or resentful if those expectations aren’t met. What on the surface looked to be a gift is in reality a loan, because anything “given” from a state of lack amplifies the experience of lack, both for the giver and for the recipient. It’s like trying to drink from an empty cup; no one gets nourished.
So what would be the difference in the net result if the next time we feel undernourished of energy we selfishly gave some to ourselves rather than feeling obligated to give it to someone else? If instead of ignoring our needs in the moment, only to later discover that we’re needy, we took responsibility for meeting our needs in the first place? What if instead of trying to get water from a well that is already dry, we made it priority number one to fill ourselves up from the inside? The answer is, we would create an entirely different outcome. By examining the Law of Attraction, it’s easy to understand how this is so, and why.
The essence of the Law of Attraction – one of seven powerful principles that govern the process of manifestation – can be summed up in three words: Like attracts like. We live in an energetic universe which responds in every moment to the vibration that we are offering. The people, situations and experiences we draw to us are always an exact vibrational match to the frequency that we are sending out. The choices we make, the quality of the care and attention we give ourselves, and the way we really feel about ourselves in the privacy of our own hearts and minds… these things may be unknown even to our closest friends, but they are known to the universe. Bottom line? Our thoughts, feelings and beliefs resonate at a particular frequency, the universe responds to this frequency, and delivers to us external experiences that reflect our internal state of being.
Some of us use this powerful law to create lack, limitation, disappointment, and struggle. Others use the same power to generate a constant flow of love, prosperity, success, abundance and joy. It is only from a state of fullness that we can truly contribute to another. This means we have to make ourselves the primary beneficiaries of our generosity; the first recipient of our own life-giving energy.
Once we understand that we can allow into our lives only as much love and well-being as we are capable of giving ourselves, we begin to see the importance of listening to our bodies, tending to our own needs, and practicing what Cheryl Richardson calls “radical self-care” in a much brighter light. The good news is, each one of us is in control of how much we let in. Tending to our needs first puts us back into alignment, first with ourselves, and then with those around us. Selfishness is the way out of energy debt, and the key to true generosity.
