If you’re anything like me, you’ve always felt pressured to fit-in. I always had a vision of what I wanted my life to look like, but all too often there was a mismatch between my vision and reality and other people’s expectations.
I spent much of my life pleasing everyone, but somehow my authentic self eventually found its way out, and I’d leave a job and fly to France or leave a relationship without looking back. Then the dust settled and I’d put the genie back in the bottle and try to be “normal” again. And there the genie remained, until the next time I felt stifled and limited.
Eventually I decided I had a few too many of these moments and realized it was no way to live. I chose to live my life from a place of authenticity instead of waiting until I hit yet another stifling threshold.
So I chose to define my life and embrace what makes me unique, and even though it’s been challenging at times, I feel freer and more expansive than I ever have. And along the way I’ve discovered some feelings and emotions that you might encounter when you’re ready to live your authentic life.
Are You Noticing These 5 Signs?
- You’re being honest with yourself. You’re exploring what makes you happy. You’re getting in touch with your values so that you can choose a direction that’s aligned with them. You know that taking vacations or retail therapy can make you happy, but only temporarily. They don’t solve the real problems. You’ve figured out that you require something else… or something more.
You recognize that you’ve followed advice about what should make you happy without checking-in with yourself first. For example, you read advice from career experts who suggested that you take on more responsibility at work to feel more engaged and enthusiastic. For some people, that’s probably enough, but that advice didn’t work for you because that job is not right for you. Maybe you needed to figure out what you really want to do instead.
Being honest with yourself requires more time and introspection than one-size-fits-all solutions, but you’re ready to tackle this. You’re eager to create a life that’s more congruent with who you are.
- You’re acknowledging your feelings, even when they’re different from everyone else’s. You’re willing to rock the boat because you know your voice matters. You might feel uncomfortable at times but you know it’s a risk worth taking. The alternative is to shut-down within yourself and blend in with your surroundings, but that leaves a hole in your soul.
When you look at your life, you see that your family or friends convinced you that your thoughts were stupid and no one should hear them. Maybe you were bullied or physically harmed. So you decided that it’s better to keep quiet, or parrot other people’s opinions, even though you knew, deep down, you didn’t agree with them.
Now you’re exploring what you think and how you feel, and you may even choose to express yourself. When you do, you recognize the difference between trying to convince others and simply sharing your thoughts. Ultimately it’s not about convincing but expressing your truth, even if people don’t understand or if they roll their eyes when you speak. Regardless of other’s reactions, you know that you can’t suppress your thoughts and emotions and stay true to who you are.
- You’re nurturing your playful, artsy side. You enjoy being creative and following your intuition. Not knowing the end result doesn’t frighten you as much as it used to. You’re a free-spirit who enjoys exploration and making the occasional mess, and that feels exciting!
Being practical and serious all the time wore you out. The life, and the clothes it required, didn’t fit well. You had to muster a lot of energy to fit-in, and you had enough of feeling drained and frustrated all the time.
You bought into the idea of what life should look like. You followed the rules and mimicked others so you could achieve what you thought you wanted. Over time, you realized this approach stopped you from being you.
You’re now honoring who you are and accepting your unique way of being. It may not look good on paper, but you’re okay with that. You’ve embraced who you are and acknowledged your talents and skills, even if they don’t fit with conventional norms. You can solidly stand in the presence of your humanity and your imperfections.
- You’re getting more comfortable with saying “no”. Since you’re more in touch with what you want and need, you don’t want to compromise yourself. You recognize that saying yes to something you don’t like is actually saying no to yourself. Instead, you’re choosing to say yes and be kind to yourself so that you can focus on your needs.
Saying “yes” all the time left you feeling stressed and cranky. But being available to others was important to you, so you responded to their requests, but in doing so you felt depleted and wondered why you had no time or energy for your hobbies and interests.
You learned a long time ago that “no” was a bad word. When you were two years old you were probably an expert at it, but as you grew-up you learned to be agreeable and accommodating. You didn’t want anyone to reject you or think you were selfish.
Now you’re making time for you and your priorities, which means saying no sometimes. Bonus points if you’ve stopped explaining yourself. A simple and firm no is all you need to say. You’re realizing that people will be just fine if you’re not there to support or entertain them. And if they’re disappointed, you’re learning that it’s not about you.
- You’ve stopped blaming others for your unhappiness. You’re no longer convinced that your spouse, your parents, or your boss are the reasons why your life doesn’t look the way you’d like. You realize how shifting from blame and disempowerment leads to taking positive and empowering actions that gives you the confidence to change the direction of your life.
You once thought things outside of yourself would make you happy. When they didn’t, you were angry and blamed others. You thought that if they changed their behaviors or attitudes, you’d feel more satisfied and fulfilled. You placed your happiness in their hands, and as a result, you felt powerless and unmotivated to make any changes.
You’re now accepting that you’re the hero of your life, and you have it within you to live your best life. You’re done wasting your time and energy blaming others for your situation, and instead, you’re stepping into your own power. And the reward? You have more energy and motivation!
You will not feel the joy and happiness you deserve if you’re allowing life to happen to you. It’s only through an authentic life than you can find the fulfillment you seek. You don’t have to wait for an amazingly big event like winning the lottery or marrying that perfect person to make you happy. Instead, you can take the reins now and steer your life in the direction you want. And you’ll know when you’re ready.
