It’s the beginning of a new year and you may have already fallen off the proverbial resolution wagon with self-sabotaging behaviors. You may have cheated on your diet, slacked off on your spiritual practice, allowed yourself those extra glasses of wine, ignored the creative projects on your desk, or let your exercise program fall by the wayside. You may feel stuck, frustrated, and already defeated, wanting to throw the baby out with the bath water.
Not so fast! Just because New Year’s Day has come and gone doesn’t mean you get to call it quits and go back to making the choices that no longer serve you and your soul’s path. You are not alone in self-sabotaging your “good intentions.” It’s not easy to change unhealthy habits and behaviors that compromise your health, well-being, and the soulful life you want to co-create for yourself.
Here are a 5 Sacred Strategies to Shift from Self-sabotage to Self-empowerment:
1. List the top five things you are doing to sabotage yourself. Take out your journal and have a sacred chat with yourself. Allow yourself to be brutally honest as you list your top five self-sabotaging behaviors. It’s uncomfortable to be vulnerable especially when you may feel shame or guilt. Take a deep dive here and give yourself time to fully complete the exercise. It will help you see that your self-sabotaging behaviors are just trying to show you the underlying emotional wounds that are not fully healed. Go for broke, no one else is going to see what you’ve written.
After you complete this exercise, identify the behaviors that are opposite of what you have been doing. What are healthy behaviors you can do to replace the behavior patterns that undermine your success? For example, if you find yourself wanting cake in the afternoon, can you counter it by having a banana first? Do you routinely spend more than you save? You can change this unhealthy habit by putting five percent of what you earn in a savings account each week.
Finally, next to each soul-supporting behavior make a list of five new action steps, practices, or tasks, and choose one that you can accomplish today. And then do it with great love.
2. Rescript your self-sabotaging beliefs to self-empowering affirmations:
Drop into your heart center by laying your hand on your chest and quieting the mind. By tuning into your heart center, you come into a loving space of awareness, self-compassion, and mindfulness. When you feel ready, write down your predominant self-sabotaging beliefs in your journal or notebook. Then, next to each script write an empowering affirmation. For example: If one of your self-sabotaging scripts is: “I never have enough money.” Rewrite the script into an empowering affirmation such as: “I am connected to the unlimited abundance of the universe.”
As you move through your day, notice any negative, self-sabotaging, scripts without judgment. Just let them move through your mind like clouds across the sky. As you notice them, begin to replace them with life-affirming, empowering affirmations such as: “This _________(self-sabotaging behavior) is bringing an unhealed part of me into awareness. I choose __________(life affirming behavior) that supports my well-being.”
Repeat these affirmations as needed throughout the day. Be gentle and loving with yourself especially at the beginning when you may not catch them immediately. Just keep practicing o break the chain reaction of self-sabotage.
3. Forgive yourself and release any shame. Believing that you are flawed and unworthy of love, belonging, or success comes from your brain/ego and is a set up for self-sabotaging behaviors. Negative beliefs such as: “There is something wrong with you and that you need to be fixed, can induce feelings of shame.
Before you begin changing your self-sabotaging behaviors, take inventory of any aspects of your life where you feel shame. Most likely, you will find that your self-sabotaging behaviors are the result of unhealed feelings of shame. Pay attention to what feelings come up in this safe space. Accept yourself and your feelings with loving-kindness as you would with someone you love. Gently coach yourself by saying, open and let go, or bless and release.
As your feelings surface, you may feel restless, uncomfortable, and want to run away or distract from them. That’s ok. Try to remain here as long as you can surrendering to the feelings you are having. Bringing awareness to your thoughts and feelings and what they may be signaling. Each time come back to your breath, open your heart, and release without judgment what feelings came up for you. Everyday forgive yourself and release any shame, guilt, or disappointment in yourself with gentle, kinds words and unconditional love.
4. Shift to positive self-talk: Your inner dialogue is your conversation with the universe. It sets off a vibration for attracting positivity or negativity into your life. Observe how you speak to yourself and whether it’s in a positive or negative manner. By paying attention to your self-talk, you can notice any negative thoughts or feelings and how they trigger self-sabotaging behaviors. A negative mindset sees the worst-case scenario and is reactive to others or situations whereas a positive mindset is responsive and proactive.
Learn to differentiate the voice of your head (negative/fear-based) from the voice of your heart (positive/trust-based) by simply noticing the words or scripts you use to describe your everyday experience. It’s important to notice if your voice is coming from your head or heart.
Lead with your heart and then use your head. Focus on the positive energy emanating from your heart and simply thank the old negative thoughts for showing up, then release them. When you bypass your head, you become open to receive spiritual information through the heart center to guide you whether it’s a gut feeling, an “a-ha” moment, inkling, or an inner knowing. This heart-centered positive mindset takes conscious awareness and with awareness comes the ability to shift your self-sabotaging behaviors.
5. Choose to Start New in Every Moment. You have the power to choose again. When you go off your healthy diet, stop exercising, or procrastinate starting a new meditation practice, don’t be afraid to take a breath and begin again. Whether it’s a new day, a new hour, or a new moment, know that it’s your special opportunity to clean your slate and begin anew.
With each new moment, celebrate your successes toward shifting self-sabotage. Instead of beating yourself up and giving up, pay attention to the smallest steps you’ve already taken toward creating a healthier habit. Notice the small changes you’ve already made even if it’s just the awareness that you need to change. That still counts and is a step toward creating what you want by first declaring it. Write your intention on Post-It notes and put it everywhere you can see it. Make it your screensaver on your phone or computer.
Let the energy of your intention guide every breath, thought, word, and choice. When you live intentionally, you consciously co-create what you want rather than unconsciously allow life to happen to you. Your intentions are even more powerful when you become an intentional being, co-creating a conscious relationship with your life.
Every moment in your life―good, bad, or neutral―is an opportunity to become free of your self-sabotaging behaviors and open your heart in self-love. Be more discerning in your choices and release the self-sabotaging patterns of behavior. Choose intentionally what spiritually aligns with you, and what does not. Each choice you make from your heart brings your mind, body, and spirit into coherence with the flow of love. This is the essence of soul-hearted living, which is living in alignment with your heart and soul.
