“Do you truly love yourself?”
Many years ago, I was asked that question (which I thought was a trick question).
My knee-jerk response was, “Yes, of course. Who doesn’t love themselves?”
When I really started diving deeper into the self-development world this question took on a whole new meaning and went even deeper for me. I asked myself the same question almost 20 years later and the answer was different. I also realized this was an ongoing process, there is no finish line you cross it is continual just different levels.
So, my beautiful friend, I ask you the same question.
“Do YOU truly love yourself?”
I mean at the depth of your soul do you embrace the divine imperfections you see now, the things you are still working on, and what you see looking back at you in the mirror—without judgement?
I believe we are all here to learn to love ourselves fully.
In my own transformational healing journey, I’ve dove deep to heal my stories and wounds and to learn to truly love myself. Like many other women’s journeys—I’m a work in progress. I’ve trained and learned from visionary leaders including Tony Robbins, Robert Kiyosaki and Sean Smith, to learn various coaching, leadership and healing methodologies in order to give me a deeper understanding of human behavior so I could support my clients in doing their inner work—as well as myself.
I’ve learned 4 lessons in my work with clients as well as my own journey to loving myself and I share them here with you.
Lesson 1: You Are a Work in Progress—and That’s Okay
Each day we get up start a new day knowing some days we made more progress than others reaching towards our goals or outcomes we have set for ourselves. There are times we reach those outcomes and set new ones while other times it seems we take several steps back and start feeling discouraged or defeated. Yes, I still feel those things on occasion. Giving ourselves grace and learning to be loving and compassionate to ourselves is an important part of the journey—which lasts our entire lifetime. Be gentle with yourself.
Sacred story example: I had been working a corporate job for over 15 years but was so miserable that my health was suffering. I knew that if I left, I did not want to take another job in the same field. But the thought of changing my career left me feeling lost. I had also been in the military reserves as an officer and between the two careers knew I had the skill set to make a change. I chose to follow my heart, and made the choice to do something I had always wanted to do and jumped in. That jump, though not my forever passion, led me to the sacred work I’m doing now, and I can say I love my life.
Tip 2: Embrace and Learn to Love Your Little Girl
Inside of us is our little girl who is scared and unsure. A little girl that wants to protect herself from everything bad that has happened and prevent it from happening again. Her wisdom and knowledge are limited and therefore remembers certain things are painful and does everything to protect us from that pain again. She does not realize we have more experience, knowledge, and wisdom from those experiences and capable of making better decisions. Embracing your little girl inside and having conversations with her is so life changing.
Sacred story example: I was getting ready to go out to dinner with my husband and another couple. After putting my skirt on I looked in the mirror and initially felt disgust. My initial thought was, “I had done all this work to get rid of extra weight and this outfit was not very flattering.” The flow of self-judging thoughts began. (I’m sure you can relate.) Suddenly, I caught myself. I stood there looking in the mirror and choose to flip the script by saying, “If this was your daughter would you say those things? If not, then why say them to your little girl inside?” In that moment, I chose to acknowledge how far I have come and how beautiful I am right now. I went back into my closet found another skirt that made me feel just as beautiful more comfortable about myself.
Tip 3: Embrace Your Past and Your Current Journey
Most of us want to forget about various aspects of our past. Whether it’s a painful situation, or something we are embarrassed or feel shame about. Many women spend decades running from their past. I’m here to say, “Embrace Your Past.” All those things you have experienced, the good and the ‘bad’ brought you to where you are right this moment. The person you are now and are becoming is making you ready for the next phase of your healing journey. Even though I experienced some pretty dark times, the woman I am today would not change my past in the least—because it’s made me the woman I am today.
Sacred Story Example: I held resentment towards my mom for many years because I felt she had pushed her traumas onto me. I grew up hearing, “Be self-reliant. Men can’t be trusted. Don’t rely on anyone. You can do or be anything you want to be in life. Don’t take no for an answer.” Some of her guidance was healthy, except around the topics of relationships. For a long time, if a relationship didn’t work out, I blamed her. Then I attended a life-changing seminar that changed my ‘story’. A woman was talking about her dad and how he was such a horrible father. The guidance given was “You would not be the person you are today without your father being the way he was.” That truth hit me hard. I had been blaming my mother for my struggles and not thanking her for making me into the woman I am today. I realized she had her own trust issues, and they did not have to be mine. That day changed everything!
Tip 4: Learn to Self-Nurture/Self-Care
It is so incredibly important to schedule time for self-nurturing and self-care. With the pace of life speeding up, if we don’t schedule it in—it won’t happen. Start somewhere. Whether it’s once a week or once a month to start—take a moment to schedule in self-care. It could be something as simple taking time to read a book you’ve been wanting to read, getting your hair or nails done, spending an afternoon with a friend or maybe a massage or a walk in nature. Do whatever serves your soul and makes you feel rejuvenated again.
Sacred Story Example: I was talking to my sister one day and she said she had bought herself some flowers. I remember thinking that was kind of weird. She must’ve sensed what I was thinking because she said to me, why should I wait for someone to buy something that brings me joy that I can do for myself whenever I want. I thought how cool and now I buy myself flowers whenever I desire to have them in the house. I love just looking at them or walking by and smelling them. How can you nourish yourself?
