We have an enormous problem in today’s families. Communication is subpar due to insanely busy work and school schedules, and everyone is struggling to maintain a healthy work/life balance. Both parents and kids are addicted to technology and more likely to look at screens than at each other.
During my 24 years as an intuitive life and business coach, speaker and author, I’ve worked with thousands of clients to help improve their communication at work and at home. They gain the most traction by incorporating simple rituals into their daily lives to help heal old patterns, renew their sense of well-being and infuse their lives with joy and happiness.
Just because other families are fractured and disconnected from their kids doesn’t mean you have to accept that fate for your own family. In my book Sacred Celebrations, I suggest some simple but effective rituals to engage energetic adolescents and even the most reluctant teenagers. Your whole family will benefit by establishing these rituals as screen-free zones. Unplug so that you can more deeply connect with your partner and with your children.
Here are four family rituals to enhance connection & communication with your kids:
1. Hold Regular Family Meetings
Getting everyone on the same page about schedules or issues facing the family is a positive way to invest your time. It can be a great opportunity for children to have their voices heard, and for parents to have focused, uninterrupted time listening to and engaging with the youngest family members.
Whether you do this weekly or monthly, choose a special location to hold meetings (try the back deck instead of the dining room table) and create a ritual opening and closing activity. It could be as simple as reading a poem, lighting a special “family candle,” or having a mini-dance party for five minutes to get your sillies out. Take turns having family members kick off the gathering.
Invite everyone to share wins, challenges and what they need help with from other siblings and parents. By doing this regularly, you’ll create a safe space that family members know they come and be listened to.
2. Schedule Dates with Children
Common relationship advice is “Be sure to go on date nights with your partner!” But what about dates with your kids? Especially for larger families where kids rarely get dedicated time with a parent, this can feel like a real treat and can instantly deepen connection.
Encourage your child to take the lead in planning these dates, or for younger children, give them a few choices from which they can pick their favorite excursion. Pack a picnic, check out a new museum, explore a new-to-you hike in the next town over or go paint pottery together. We only have one child, but even our daughter says that she really enjoys our mommy-daughter road trips, and she loves it when Dad takes her to a play or a concert just the two of them.
3. Get Playful with Game Nights
Growing up in the 80s, game nights were a staple in many family homes, as were pizza nights, and movie nights. We didn’t have the distractions of technology (unless you count television and Atari games!) that are pervasive in our society today.
Too much reliance on our electronic devices is exactly why game nights are so critical these days. Choose one night a week to play family classics like Clue, Monopoly, Scrabble, and Pictionary or more modern games like Exploding Kittens, Apples to Apples, or Ticket to Ride.
Playing games can help children sharpen math and language skills, learn the value of teamwork, and have healthy experiences winning and losing. Engaging with loved ones in this way creates shared memories, supports collaboration (and fosters healthy competition!), and generates lots of laughter!
4. Cultivate a Gratitude Practice
During our busy days, taking time to pause and express our thanks bolsters our mental and emotional health and well-being. Expressing gratitude out loud to others helps to cultivate a positive mindset.
Start by keeping a gratitude jar in your house. Choose a favorite piece of handmade pottery, have your kids decorate a special box with glitter paint and sequins or grab a simple mason jar. Designate that as your “gratitude jar”. Leave it out on the kitchen counter with slips of paper nearby for family members to write things randomly throughout the week. Then choose a day once a week or once a month to sit down as a family and review the contents of the jar.
In my book, I wrote about a client named Leigh Ann who was experiencing apathy and disengagement with her teenage son. He was very introverted, and she wanted a strategy to draw him out in a way that felt safe and supportive to him. Once they implemented the idea of a gratitude jar, Sunday became the most anticipated family meal of the week as everyone experienced how nice it was to be recognized for the little things. “Thanks for taking out the trash.” “Thanks for washing my car.” “Thanks for giving me a hug when I was sad.”
Gratitude goes a long way in staying connected with your loved ones and improving communication. It’s one of the most important rituals that I teach my clients about.
Try implementing one or more of these rituals for a few months and notice the change in your interpersonal dynamics. There may be resistance from some family members at first but stick with it. That’s normal when you’re implementing new routines and ideas. The key is to find out what works for everyone based on their personalities and ages, and then commit to enjoying these rituals on a regular basis. Over time, you will find that family members listen more attentively, engage more readily, and feel more connected to one another. Your family will experience more love, joy and happiness as a result!
