You may feel like things are challenging at this moment in your life. But let’s get this straight right now: It’s not because you’re failing or broken. It’s because your spirit demands soaring—not coping. It’s your time.
Uncertainty is not a problem. Your negative thinking about your uncertainty is the problem. And I’ll tell you right now that breaking free from negative thinking isn’t just about techniques. It’s a revolution. You are literally going to walk in a different world. Because you have no idea what negative thinking is costing you. You may be unconsciously sabotaging your own life. And believe me, living a life that’s less than you desire can also drain your confidence.
For example, I’d always assumed I couldn’t make a living as a creative writer. I grew up in Brooklyn, N.Y. in an orthodox Jewish family. I was told, “You’re going to write? You’re going to starve!” So, I became a lawyer instead. I slogged through Harvard Law School and onto partnership track of a major firm. It never occurred to me that “you can’t make a living at doing what you love” was a confidence issue or a negative thought. To me, it was “just being realistic.” Everyone, including a career counselor, thought it was “common sense” to squelch my true desires in life. Everyone believed in limits. No one realized it might just be limited thinking.
I left that painful job, career, and identity and walked into uncertainty. And now, as career/success coach and speaker with four best-selling books out and a world-wide following, I can tell you those original “practical” thoughts didn’t lead me to safety and certainty. They guided me towards self-repression and meaninglessness. I felt empty and terrified. And had I continued to doubt myself, I would have missed this life I’m born to live. I don’t want that happening for you in your marriage, career, health or anywhere.
The culture is pessimistic. But you can be a mystic.
We’re encouraged to doubt our wild, pure strength and, instead, bank on the times when we lose faith, and “come back to earth.” We trust cynicism as though it’s wisdom, the voice of “experience” instead of embitterment. We don’t see anxieties as flights of imagination. We see those as possibilities.
But here’s what’s true. Your dreams can take off at any minute. You can quit drinking this time. You can write a screenplay that Sundance produces. You can meet the love of your life, yes, at your age or with your ridiculous issues. It happens. But only when we feed the light within us.
Do yourself a favor. Stop calling lack of confidence or negativity “being realistic.” Call it what it is: being negative. Does a particular thought inhibit your greatest potential? Then it’s poison. If I were working with you as your coach, I’d tell you to enter inspired time. That means, don’t drag in what you think is your past experience. Your “past experience” may be tainted by negative interpretation. Let’s begin again. Let’s start now. No matter what’s happened, let’s give ourselves another chance. Focus on the possibilities that stir you, more than the ones that drain you. If something stirs you, it gives you strength.
It only takes one thought to make you start doubting yourself. And it can be a habit.
Lack of confidence can feel real. But it’s just a way of thinking, and it can be changed. I teach A Course in Miracles, a spiritual mindset training about living in love instead of fear. So, I am in the business of helping people not only get out of negative thinking, but also stay in an inspired state of mind that can achieve anything. Mindset is the difference between those who succeed in life and those who struggle.
Even when you’re facing anxiety or angst, please know there are ways to restore your connection to your creativity and wild well-being. Lack of confidence is after all, just a mistaken idea about what’s possible and who you really are.
Here’s 3 quick mindset shifts to strengthen your confidence you can use right now. (They work!)
Focus on the Truth: When you find yourself in a flurry of anxiety or frustration, use this chill pill of a thought. “I don’t know what anything means.” It’s rarely the event that’s causing you pain. It’s the interpretation of the event. You really don’t know what things mean. Stay in the present. The interviewer didn’t call you back? She may be recommending you for another position. She may have food poisoning. Or be out robbing a bank. You don’t know. You may just be being spared from a situation that isn’t the highest use of you.
Tell a Better Story: In any situation, choose to listen to your love more than your fear—or your strength instead of your weakness. I recommend a technique I call “Inspired Self Dialogues.” Write down what your fear/ inner critic says. Then journal what your loving, Inspired Self might say. To connect to this voice, you might ask: “What would I say to my best friend or child, if they felt this fear?” Or you might consider writing from your Higher Spirit’s point of view, an inspiring character from a movie or history, or writing to yourself from the mindset of someone who has always been your advocate. You have extraordinary counsel within you. Use it.
Focus on What’s Working: The mind can’t focus on more than one thought at a time. When you focus on anything that calms or excites you, you literally can’t be in anxiety. Do something you love. Too often we try to “fix a problem,” by obsessing over what needs to be changed. Instead, create a WIN list, noting anything that has worked or is moving in the right direction. Make sure you include inner shifts as well! For example, if you’re usually depressed for 30 minutes in the morning, but this morning you’re only depressed for 29 minutes, this inner victory goes on your WIN list. It’s so important to celebrate the “wins” that no one else will ever see. It’s these wins that help you build courage and confidence.
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Sure, you may have just been trying to get through your life without an awakening or shamanic experience. I get it. You just want a job or a boyfriend or more money. But here you are. This is your life. You have the chance to side with yourself or turn against yourself. Which choice will you make? Will you choose to be realized or “realistic”? This is your moment, dear one. I encourage you to step into your true power.
For most of us, strengthening our confidence in ourselves isn’t an overnight shift. It’s not a pill. It’s a practice. It can even feel awkward. But I’d rather you go too far in believing in your possibilities than not go far enough. Go ahead and dare to stray from conventional thinking—and trust the radical brilliance within you. It’s worth everything to wake up to your own fearless potential, one thought at a time.
And here’s what I will leave you with to build your confidence, and I hope you take it in.
This is the journey of your lifetime. Every circumstance you are in is a chosen conversation designed for your good. There is a scent to follow. The wind is pushing you in the right direction or whispering what is necessary. The rain is a wild, unfettered priest dousing your existence in holy water. Everything is in your favor. The moments of realizing this are worth a lifetime. Really, it’s one thing to be alive. It is a whole other thing to be awake.
This is what it means to thrive through uncertainty.
Welcome to a whole new world.
© 2024. Tama Kieves. Reprinted with permission. This piece is excerpted and adapted from Thriving Through Uncertainty: Moving Beyond Fear of the Unknown and Making Change Work for You (TarcherPerigree)
