Have you often struggled with the best way to support someone you love when they’re hurting?
It can be tough to know how to offer support to those going through a difficult time. You may experience conflicting thoughts including wanting to show up in support but also being concerned that your loved one may want space.
Feeling ill-equipped can keep you paralyzed to the point of distancing yourself from those who most need your support. Maybe you’re worried about doing or saying the wrong thing and making things worse.
The truth is that it can be a very lonely time for anyone experiencing loss. While initially friends and family usually surround us with love soon everyone has moved on with their lives and we’re left to pick up the pieces. This can happen after experiencing death, breakup, surgery, unemployment, bankruptcy, or any other significant change/loss you encounter.
It’s important to know ways in which you can be of support to others while having the confidence that you’re not adding to their heartache.
1. Be a Listening Heart
Those who are grieving after experiencing a loss need to be heard. Often what they encounter are individuals wanting to give advice.
Grievers don’t want to be fixed, they want to be heard. Naturally, most of us love to ‘fix things’ because we don’t like our loved ones to hurt. So instead of truly listening we are ready to jump in with solutions. The greatest gift you can offer is to hold space while you allow your loved one to open their heart and share.
2. Refrain from Comparison
Sadly, most of us can remember a time when our hearts were hurting and someone said to us, “I know how you feel.”
While you may have been through the same experience as your loved one, you are a unique individual. Your thoughts and feelings cannot be compared to those of another person and it’s impossible for you to ever truly know how someone else is feeling.
One of the most loving things you can say to someone experiencing emotional pain is, “I can’t imagine how you feel.” This lets them know you honor their feelings and can provide a safe space for them to share if they choose.
3. Stay Present
Grievers often report feeling isolated when everyone stops reaching out. Just because time has passed doesn’t mean your loved one is hurting any less. It is the actions we take within time, not time itself that helps us heal the pain in our hearts.
Reaching out to offer compassion and support can make a huge difference. Letting others know you are still present, thinking of them, and that you still care is a reminder that they are not alone. Encouraging loved ones to be emotionally honest and normalizing their feelings allows them to process as well as ask for any further help or support they need.
Navigating relationships with those who are grieving can feel scary and intimidating. Showing up with a loving heart and a desire to listen makes a world of difference.
You may believe that you need to say something in particular to support a loved one during this time. The truth is that your presence and willingness to be a listening heart is the first step to their healing.
Choose to be the individual that makes a difference in someone’s darkest days.
