Are you highly sensitive to your environment? Intuitive or empathic in your relationships? Have you been told “get over it” or “you’re too soft – toughen up?” You’re not alone.
My first job was as a teacher. If you have ever been a teacher, you know there is always one child in a classroom who requires more of your attention. This particular day was a tough one for Jason. After walking by his desk several times to let him know he wasn’t on task or behaving, nothing was changing.
In my effort not to embarrass him, I walked toward Jason’s desk to whisper his choices in his ear. I didn’t notice the principal had come in for his annual teacher observation.
Before I could get to Jason’s desk, the principal walked up, yanked him out of his chair, and pulled him in front of the class. I was mortified for Jason and myself!
Later that week when I met with the principal for my evaluation the report was marked with all excellent. I was only one out of the 5 classes that had not sent anyone to the principal’s office all year, although I came close that day. At the end of the meeting, the principal told me I was a “powder puff and needed to toughen up”, and he referenced the Jason incident. I had all I could do to get out of the office before the tears flowed.
Whether you are just figuring out you are an HSP or have known that about yourself for some time, it’s important to remember you are wired differently! You are not inferior or weak. There’s nothing wrong with you.
Here are 3 Ways to Embrace Your Empathic Superpowers:
1. Recognize You’re an Orchid Not a Dandelion
- Highly sensitive women have extreme depth of processing (DOP) traits described by Elaine Aron and shown on brain imaging. You’re born with these finely tuned traits and are more responsive to people and the environment. HSPs are like orchids not dandelions (the other 80%). Neither is better than the other, they each just require different “care.”
- I don’t have a green thumb. But I found I can grow orchids. Orchids thrive and bloom once you find the perfect environment. The same is true for HSPs. You are an Orchid. Guilt free self-care is vital and takes many forms. You take in a lot more information and go more deeply than the 80% so it is natural that you would require more nurturing and self-care. Your nervous system can become overloaded (stressed and overwhelmed) more easily due to your multisensory processing.
2. Nurture Yourself and Your Gifts
- Even if you have self-nurturing rituals, during times of stress it’s important to engage in even more self-care to stay grounded and centered. Increase what you already do to calm your nervous system. Listen to your favorite music, be out in nature, and find what gives you joy.
- Try this quick strategy. Rub your index finger and thumb together. Really notice the sensations. Then so the same with your hands. Rub the palms and fingers together for just a few minutes.
3. Honor Your Gifts. They’re Your Superpowers
As a Highly-Sensitive Woman you’re:
- Able to see what’s needed in different situations
- Able to sense things multidimensionally not seen and know what to do
- Intuitive for yourself and others
- Empathic and feel your own emotions and others deeply
- Sensitive to what is around you
- Able to create harmony
- Creative in many different ways
- Appreciative of beauty and make spaces beautiful
- Especially kind and caring
- A safe person to talk to, insightful
It’s only when you over use and don’t honor your gifts that you suffer. Let the limiting thoughts and tunnel vision like those of “your judge”, being perfectionist, or sacrificing yourself, go. Your gifts become weapons and hurt you and others when you overuse them, or you turn against yourself.
Years ago, there was no way I couldn’t honor my student’s successes because of my “softness”. This was really my sensitivity to their needs and different ways of learning and being. That ability to connect to them also enhanced their learning. I had very few behavior problems even with children of whom I had been warned had “behavior issues”.
I thought of myself as a failure not getting Jason to stop his behavior. I was made to feel like soft was a personality failure. I was ruminating and shaming myself with perfectionistic limiting thoughts. I kept thinking I had failed. This caused me distress and to doubt my intuition. My wiser self didn’t recognize my way of discipline worked 98% of the time.
To feel empowered and home for yourself, it’s important to embrace and acknowledge your sensitivity and your empathic superpowers. You have amazing wiring. You’re a beautiful orchid!
