I vividly remember the times in my life when I was just going through the motions and one day blurred into the next. Each day I sat in rush-hour traffic to be somewhere I didn’t really want to be, then sat in more rush-hour traffic to go home. But at least I put in my time like a good little worker bee… and sometimes I got free lunches.
Maybe I had a good day. Maybe I accomplished something meaningful and worthwhile. Most of the time I felt blah and empty. I went to bed each night with the hope that something magical would happen the next day, and everything would change and I’d experience the anticipation and excitement I craved.
Life threw curve balls a couple of times, and they were less magical and more of the setback variety. In one case, my relationship of two years ended abruptly. In another case, I was suddenly dismissed from my job. In both cases, I felt like I was punished for a crime I didn’t know I committed. I eventually realized these setbacks were invitations to show up in my life.
What does showing up in your life mean? For me, it means expressing your true inner self. It means actively bringing joy to your life. It means taking care of your needs. It also means being awake and noticing aligned opportunities as they arise, both big and small.
For example, an ombré pink drink appeared on my screen one afternoon as I launched a well-known coffee shop’s app on my phone. Instead of ignoring it, I immediately thought, “I must have this.” And I’ve gone back multiple times for more.
Generally I’m following one train of thought, such as “What’s the next task on my to-do list?” Then I shift gears and open up to a new opportunity that presents itself… if it’s enticing and intriguing. And even if it’s in the form of a drink that looks like Pepto Bismol on ice.
Following those moments of joy and letting them lead you requires being awake and present to what lights you up. Those moments are like breadcrumbs that guide you to your heart’s desires.
For me, psychology and sociology served as breadcrumbs. I’ve always had a passion for studying human and group behavior. After my job ended without warning, my passion led to a culture change position at a company in downtown San Francisco. Ultimately, that led to my current career as a transformational coach.
And after the unexpected end of my relationship, my love of being outdoors led to meeting the man I’m now married to.
Instead of dragging myself down with thoughts of despair and what I “should” do to find a man or a job, I let my curiosity and interests guide me. While I did take the necessary steps to search for a job, and I examined how I could be a better partner, I still gave myself permission to fulfill my needs, no matter how insignificant or impractical they might have seemed.
My passions and interests may not save the world or cure cancer or get rid of all the dust bunnies in my house. Fearful, self-defeating thoughts of what I “should” pay attention to serve as reminders of all the big things that really need to be done each day. But dwelling on them is a surefire way to sleepwalk through life.
Your life is happening now. Follow the joy and show up for the moments you have.
How do you show up? It’s certainly easier to show up for “normal” moments, such as going to an office every day, instead of challenging or creative ones, such as writing your novel.
Here are some of the signs that you struggle with showing up for your life:
1) You’re thinking of all the things you “should” be doing.
2) You’re comparing yourself to others.
3) It’s selfish – you’re taking away something from someone – time with your family or money that could be spent on something else.
4) You’re convinced you can’t have what you truly want anyway, so why bother.
I know how difficult it is to work within the limitations of time, money, and energy. And on top of that, you’ve got the social conditioning and often conflicting messages about who you are and what you “should” do. It’s hard to sift through the noise. Better to sit back and just let life take you for a ride, even though it’s a ride that lulls you to sleep.
At any time you can wake-up, get off the ride and experience the little tastes of goodness that bring you joy. Here’s how:
Get quiet within. When you’re quiet, you can be present to each moment and to the gentle voice within. Chances are, your inner dictator has been running the show, shouting commands and berating you for all the things you haven’t done. The gentle voice within will remind you that everything’s okay; you know the best next steps to take. You’ll detach from the swirl around you, connect to the peaceful guidance within, and authentically respond to the moment. But if you don’t hear it immediately, that’s okay. It may take some time since you may have been trained to react, distract yourself, or resist. Just practice being quiet and present.
Notice when any judgments and criticisms pop up. These thoughts can fuel unhappiness, despair, and helplessness. You may become muddleheaded and convinced that these thoughts are real. You’ll feel overwhelmed and get angry at yourself or give up completely. Ask yourself where these thoughts are coming from. A parent? A partner? Your own fears about change? Acknowledge the thoughts and write them down. Articulating those thoughts helps you see them for what they are. Then let them go. You don’t need them and they don’t get to come along for the ride.
Explore ways to create joy in your everyday life. Maybe you’ve been trained to accept a zombie-like existence, or you’re surrounded by people who never take risks. But how often do you question that? And how often do you consider what makes you happy? It doesn’t have to be a grand vacation. It can be something small and simple like a walk in the woods, a splash in a pool, or a trip to a fabric store. Maybe you do want to take a grand vacation but you can’t afford the time or money. Instead of dwelling on that and feeling resentful, focus on the joys that are available to you right now. You can take inspired action to feel your version of success and joy from where you are now.
If you’re stuck in a rut, you don’t have to stay there. You don’t have to accept things as they are, and you certainly don’t have to wait to be startled awake by a shocking event. Validating your needs and desires will help you come alive and show up as your authentic and happy self. Don’t let anyone, real or imagined, steer you away from what’s important to you. Make yourself and your physical, mental, and emotional health your biggest priority, and take steps – small or large – to sculpt and shape your life any way you choose.
