Can you honestly say to yourself that you love who you are at this very moment—just as you are?
Until a few years ago, I struggled with being able to say yes when asked that question. After deep personal work and powerful professional trainings, I discovered a false belief that was sabotaging my connection with self-love.
The belief was that once I “fixed” or “achieved” whatever the “next thing” was, I’d be able to love myself fully. The story I told myself was that once those milestones were reached then I would really love myself. Of course, as the cycle of life unfolds, other things would come up and it became a never-ending cycle of not fully loving myself.
Sound familiar?
From the conversations I had with my coaching clients as well as other women in my life, it’s an insidious cycle for many women—basing our value on what’s outside us instead of on our innate worthiness.
I learned and implemented three daily rituals that led me to be able to love myself NOW as I continue to work on myself, which is never-ending.
Am I where I want to be on my fitness? No.
Am I where I want to be on my weight? No.
Am I where I want to be in my relationship? No.
And… I love myself fully.
And I have the tools and rituals to navigate any thoughts that may arise.
Whatever it is that is holding YOU back from self-love, it IS possible to deeply love yourself even if your answer to my opening question is no at this time
I know this because of my own healing journey—one that continues today. It was my own commitment to my spiritual and emotional healing that led me to get trained as a Neuro-Transformational Coach and train with Tony Robbins, Sean Smith and Robert Kiyosaki. My husband Robert, and myself, were in Fiji for Tony’s training this summer.
I’m passionate about sharing the methodologies I’ve learned to support women like you in creating transformational changes in your life. To support you on that journey, I share the three daily rituals that will help you navigate the thoughts of self-judgement as they arise (they still do for me) and enhance your awareness so you can identify the self-talk and shift it using the rituals below.
I invite you to give yourself the gift of these rituals.
3 Rituals to Enhance Self-Love
Ritual #1: MIRROR WORK
Stand in front of a mirror and really look at yourself. Yes, I mean look yourself in the eyes. Don’t look away. In the beginning, it may feel challenging to maintain eye contact—it was for me too. Many of us look in the mirror and the voice of self-judgement begins. “Look at those wrinkles.”, “That shirt doesn’t look good on you!”, you know the conversations I’m referring to.
It’s time to flip the script my friend and start an empowering and loving conversation with the woman in the mirror. Each morning or evening, look into your eyes and share positive statements using your name. Here are a few of the ones I began with. “Cathy, you are beautiful. Cathy, you are smart.” Don’t look away. Each day spend a few minutes speaking loving thoughts to yourself—out loud. Yes, it will feel uncomfortable but committing to this proven transformational process will heal your heart and lead to enhanced self-love.
Ritual #2: INNER CHILD WORK
One of the most powerful transformational healing tools is inner child work. I invite you to bravely walk through any hesitation you may have. Let’s begin.
Find a picture of you as a child that fills you with joy when you look at it. Now place it somewhere you will see it every day. My photo is in the bathroom next to my sink, so I see it at the beginning and end of every day.
Each day talk to the photo that represents the ‘little girl within’ and share encouraging words so she knows she is safe and loved. The little girl inside of us is still operating with the tools, knowledge, and awareness from our childhood. She doesn’t realize that since then we have gained more experience and are able to make better decisions.
If you would like to really challenge yourself, have those conversations with your inner little girl when you feel the inner turmoil and talk her through it and let her know that you got this. When you are beating yourself up or speaking unkind words to yourself, take a moment to look at the picture and remind yourself that ‘the little girl within’ is hearing those words too. This step helps us to catch our language and shift to a more loving language.
Here’s a recent example from my life so you can see the process in action.
When I was training for my marathon and out on my long runs, I could feel my little girl inside getting scared about the challenge ahead. I’d hear “we cannot run this far” or “we are going to hurt ourselves if we run that long of a distance like we have done in the past”.
As I was running, I would talk to my “little girl within’ and reassure her that I have learned from my past and that I have more experience and will not run to the point of hurting myself. I remind her that she is loved and safe. Whatever it is for you that you feel the tug of resistance, have that conversation of reassurance with your little girl inside.
Ritual #3: PLAY DATES
Schedule a play date with your inner child for at least a few minutes a day, if possible. It can be as simple as dancing to some of your favorite music, coloring in a coloring book, or taking a bubble bath.
It is whatever YOU choose to do that day. I taught myself with coloring that it is okay if I go outside the lines or if the colors don’t match. It’s about having fun and tapping into joy. If you feel called to you could make a full day play date. Start with the time you have and add more when your schedule allows.
In closing, I invite you to start with just one of the rituals. With commitment, these rituals will lead to an even deeper connection with yourself.
You are worth it. You are loved. You are enough—just as you are.
