What energy do you show up in your relationships with?
It’s a question I never gave much thought to until recently when I, and my husband attended, a relationship seminar based on Alison Armstrong’s work. What I learned about masculine and feminine (hunter or gatherer) energy really shifted everything I’ve learned about myself and how I show up with my husband as well as my other relationships.
For reference, Allison Armstrong’s work of over 30 years breaks it down that when we are in our masculine, we are in hunter mode/human instinct and when we are operating in our feminine, we are in gathering mode/human spirit. This is for both men and women.
She further explains that when we are in hunter mode, we are laser focused and do not want to be taken off our task at hand, basically we have blinders on. Alison also explains that when we are in gathering mode, we are open to possibility for other opinions or options. She also explains that two caged animals will not mate and further illustrates how two hunters will not have a relationship that will prosper.
These insights led me to review the times in my life when I put on my own different masks. I had realized the mask I chose to wear was in alignment to what outcome I was looking to achieve and not always a healthy one. Because of many years in corporate America and over 30 years in the military I spent more of my life operating under a masculine mask. This was also encouraged indirectly with society’s views of women and operating in the feminine model and because of this I did not really connect with my feminine side.
So, when I was asked what I was at my core I knew it was feminine, I just have been separated from it for such a long time I was not sure how to deeply connect with my feminine essence. I knew my first step was awareness and make the choice to operate in my feminine essence and be able to call upon my masculine (hunter) as needed throughout my day or week. I started to realize when I went into hunter mode when I was packing/getting ready for a trip. I did not want anyone to interrupt my progress because I might forget something. Another time is when I am doing laundry or cleaning my house, I have my way of doing things and do not want anyone to interfere with my progress. J
After that weekend, I asked myself what if it could be different, what if I could choose to do this in hunter mode and in human spirit were instead of biting peoples head off I could respond with kindness, love and compassion. I have decided it is worth it for me to do the work to create more joy and partnership in my life.
I’d like to share some of the steps I took to discover my own true essence.
3 Sacred Steps to Discover Your True Essence:
Sacred Step 1: Grab your journal and take a journey to the past. Go as far back as you can remember and recall the times that you can identify when you wore your feminine mask and when you wore your masculine mask. Get as detailed as possible because there is wisdom in these memories.
Once you feel complete in your journaling, set sacred space to reflect. Ask yourself questions such as, “What energy feels closest to your truth?” “Is there a sabotaging pattern that has shown up in numerous relationships?” And any other questions that may float to the surface. There are no right or wrong answers—just your truth. These insights will support you in identifying which energy you need to connect with.
Sacred Step 2: In your journal identify the times and situations when when you are your most happy, joyful, and playful. Go into detail. Can you identity which energy (masculine or feminine) that you are in during those times? When we realize what our essence is at our core, we can now do things to put ourselves into that essence more often. That knowledge helps us to come back in alignment anytime we are not our true self.
Once you’ve identified those activities get them in your schedule. Be intentional with connecting with your true self which in return will bring more peace, joy and gratitude.
Sacred Step 3: Learn to be aware of what energy you are responding/reacting from when you are having a disagreement or passionate discussion with a partner, spouse, or co-worker. Ask yourself—Am I operating from my true self? It’s a great question to ask because once you are aware, you have the choice to choose a more loving, compassionate response that aligns with your truth.
Since I have become aware of Alison’s teachings, they have dramatically changed how I choose to show up for each situation. There are times I absolutely must call up on my masculine and show up in hunter mode/human instinct and there are times I want to be in gathering mode/human spirit. I also give myself grace when I show up opposite of how I wanted to, apologize if necessary and make a different choice the next time.
