“Only the present moment is real.” – Thich Nhat Hanh
We are often told to “stay present and in the moment.” It’s sound advice, yet it remains a challenge for many of us. We sense how important it is and wonder how to go about being present. The process of getting into the mindset of presence is achievable.
There are three ways a person can veer their mind away from the present, along with ten strategies that will help you reject the acceptance of taking those actions. This is important to do because you’ll serve your life better by being in the “now.”
Judgment Removes Us From the Present Moment
In our daily lives, judgment is a common mental habit. We judge ourselves, others, and situations. When we talk about judgment, it is important to understand the difference between judgment and discernment. With discernment, we do not compare ourselves with others or compare one experience to another one. In essence, by using discernment, we gain broader insights to what we are viewing.
Judgment involves forming opinions or conclusions about us and others, often with a critical tone. These judgments can be immediate and automatic. Life is breathed into them because they are shaped by our experiences, beliefs, and biases. More often than not, judgments are negative, which means they are rooted in criticism and comparison, which can be particularly harmful.
Self-judgment is another form of judgment that erodes away at our ability to see us with eyes of grace and mercy. It often manifests as an internal dialogue where we critique our actions, appearance, and abilities. This inner critic can be relentless and ruthless, leading us to feelings of inadequacy, shame, and anxiety. When we are consumed by self-judgment, our attention is diverted from the present moment, setting up an internal dialogue that pulls us out of the present moment.
The impact of self-judgment includes reduced self-esteem, which erodes our confidence and self-worth. It adds to increased stress and anxiety, which affects our mental health, reducing our productivity because we are constantly being pulled out of the present and into a self-critical state of being.
I watched a video recently where several women described themselves to a forensic sketch artist who couldn’t see these women face-to-face. The next day, these same women were described by strangers whom they’d just met, then the sketches were compared. The strangers image was more flattering and accurate in all these cases.
In each instance, the woman being drawn focused on her worst features and the strangers who’d just me them focused on their best features. This represents how many times we are our worst judges—and this doesn’t exist only on a physical level. It falls into areas where we may diminish our own competence and worth, making it impossible to be present in these painful, inaccurate self-perceptions.
If you grew up in a home where your achievements were downplayed because your parents didn’t want you to get a “big head,” this would result in low self-esteem and feelings of not being good enough. The result might lead to you viewing those around you as somehow “better.” This is a phenomenon I call the Teeter Totter Effect. You are on bottom seeing only the people who have it better than you and have what you want in life.
If you feel that everyone else has it better off than you do, begin by taking an inventory of yourself. What are you good at? What do you enjoy doing? Begin looking within instead of looking outward and begin honoring yourself and all you have to offer.
The opposite can also happen, of course. Sometimes, when people want to feel better about themselves, they may look around them and only see others who are not as fortunate as them. They can only feel better about themselves because at least they have something in their lives that someone else doesn’t have, a home, a job, a relationship, and so on.
This type of judgment leads to an inner authenticity problem that isn’t aligned with being in the present. We begin to rely on judging others to form opinions about their behaviors, choices, and characteristics. This leads to feelings of superiority, resentment, or disappointment, all derived from our perception of someone else, and not us. When we judge others, we often project our own insecurities and biases, which can strain relationships and create negativity, not only between others but also within ourselves.
We are humans, therefore imperfect, and all have moments of judging ourselves or others, especially when our self-esteem takes a hit. There are ways we can break out of this cycle of judgment and enter into a more aware presence. Here are six ways I’ve found to be helpful in guiding us away from judgment’s harsh effects.
- Practice self-compassion: When we are compassionate with ourselves, we are better able to be compassionate toward others. I realized at some point in my life I was my own worst critic. When I accepted my mistakes and saw them as stepping stones to my learning, things began to change for the better. I remember listening to the radio one morning when someone was sharing how she grew up with a father who encouraged her to make a mistake every day as a way to help her learn faster. I used this wisdom and began looking at my mistakes as learning experiences.
- Cultivate empathy: When we make efforts to see situations from another’s viewpoint, it helps reduce judgment and cultivates compassion. By focusing on commonalities instead of differences, we are divided less and brought together more. To practice this, I adhere to the insights from knowing that until I walk a mile in another person’s shoes, I simply do not know the depth of the situation.
- Mindfulness and meditation: Mindfulness practices, breathing exercises, and being in nature help us to strengthen our connection to the present moment. When we allow ourselves to be in this state of being, we reduce our tendency to judge people or the world around us. It’s quite a beautiful moment when we allow these practices to guide us into this mind filled with self-love and calmness.
- Observe your thoughts: Practice observing your thoughts without labeling them as good or bad. Allow negative thinking to flow through your mind and practice letting it go without getting stuck in a downward cycle.
- Gratitude practice: Take a moment each day, either in the morning or before you go to bed (or both!) to focus on what you are grateful for in your life. Maybe something positive happened that day or perhaps it was a few years ago but its positive impact still lingers. This shifts your focus from what is lacking to what is abundant in your life. I particularly enjoy thinking about the people in my life who have been there for me in some way and expressing gratitude to them through my intentions or in person if given the opportunity.
- Challenge negative thoughts: When a judgment arises, take a moment to question where it is coming from and ask if it’s based on facts or assumptions. Reframe negative judgments into positive observations. For example, if you think you’re always so disorganized, try to reframe this into a positive observation: I have a unique way of approaching tasks with flexibility and creativity.
Breaking free of judgments so we can find the present moment is a journey that will take time. With practice and perseverance it is possible to do. In time, we can begin to understand how everyone has challenges and a history and that we are all learning and growing toward wholeness.
Lingering in the Past Removes Us From the Present
Is your past filled with regrets and failures? When you think about your past, do feelings of guilt, anger, embarrassment, or regret begin to surface? The past holds many memories and emotions for us and if these are unresolved, our past takes us out of the present moment every time we think about whatever event we haven’t resolved. It is difficult to stay in the present when our thoughts and emotions constantly lure us away from it.
To begin living more in the present, it’s important to recognize the triggers that take us into the past. All it takes is one haunting memory from the past to trigger an emotion attached to that memory and we immediately get pulled out of the present. This often happens when we are living with unresolved pain, which causes lingering emotional pain and hinders emotional healing. We prevent ourselves (not always knowingly) from embracing new opportunities that come into our life because we are still stuck in the past.
You may never forget the memory of the experiences you had, however, it is important to release the emotion around the event. If you are not able to do this on your own, there are amazing therapists and energy healers to help you transform past traumatic events into ones you can emotionally become at rest with. This allows the present to be easier to obtain.
Even pasts that were good and wonderful can pull us out of the present, especially when you think the past was better than your life right now. If you are reliving the past because of the warm, wonderful memories it holds for you, it might be because you feel the best of your life has already been lived and your current or future life will never measure up. By doing this, the magical all moments hold is missed. This is especially true as we age and begin losing our health and vitality. While it might be comforting to live in the past … to relive all of the good times when we were young and healthy, it devalues the joy of the present in our lives which has a place in our lives daily, regardless of our age.
Find those gentle and loving ways to honor the past while not giving it permission to override the present.
Living in the Future Dishonors the Joy of the Present
There is a saying which suggests that 99% of the things we worry about never materialize. All of that energy worrying about what might happen could instead be used in the present moment, which is a moment that can transform your life! Every time you allow yourself to worry about things that may never happen, you are losing your life force and may not have the energy needed to resolve whatever is happening in your life presently.
Fear is another emotion known to remove us from the present moment. A common fear today that people share with me is the fear for their children and grandchildren’s futures. Being overwhelmed by the news and hearing everything happening around the world makes it easy to fall into a fearful state, it’s easy to fall into a fearful state. There are some wonderful things happening in the world; however, our news cycles don’t report on these things because they don’t “sell” news. One site I subscribe to is the Optimist Daily. This organization has taken on the task of finding and reporting all of the wonderful things happening around the world and the people and organizations that are making a difference. Reading stories of inspiring events is more rare, yet more powerful for someone desiring for the present to be more intentional and good.
Perhaps the biggest caution about focusing on the future too much is the risk we put ourselves in of trying to control the outcomes instead of allowing the future to unfold in a natural way. By being in the present, we can see what is before us each and every moment that leads us to the future.
Aside from negative feelings like worry and fear removing us from the present, something as wonderful as hope can also do this. By placing all our hope in the future, we are waiting for something to happen which saves us from today. When we find us in this pattern of anticipation are most likely chasing a carrot on a string. This constant focus on what hasn’t arrived prevents us from appreciating and enjoying our current experiences… And it certainly doesn’t help with our stress and anxiety levels!
Along with the first six recommendations for how to return to the present, here are four more ideas to help you achieve this beautiful state of being:
- Embrace digital detoxes: Spending too much time following the news or following other people on social media is exhausting and will certainly take you out of the present moment. Furthermore, it could set you up for a time of comparison, where you see their online presence and feel it is their truth. This makes you question your life unnecessarily.
- Take time to be in nature: Nature is both calming and grounding, which makes it a fantastic way to recenter and rebalance. Even a few minutes of fresh air, along with a breathing exercise, can do wonders!
- Enjoy physical activity. Physical activity helps us get out of our minds and into our bodies. Any physical activity you enjoy will anchor you in the here and now.
- Seek advice from those who practice presence. If you know someone who you feel stays in the present much of the time, ask them for advice on how they do it. They may have a wonderful technique that is not mentioned here.
Wonderful changes that are filled with self-care start when we can pull ourselves out of the past and back into the present moment. Finding strategies that work to counteract the distractions and calm our minds will help us to nurture our minds, which leads to a richer, more fulfilling life.
