Ultimately, our most defining moments are the least definable and while nothing is so important as laughter amidst those we love, also essential from time to time is just a little simple silence; the momentary respite from the noise of “everydayness” that lets you actually hear yourself. It’s like the quiet catalyst of truth and understanding, and in the end tells you things that words cannot. A little silence gives you time to properly formulate your questions and it is courteous enough to let you change your answers. It gives you a vision and a few minutes of it allows you to see things you’d likely otherwise miss. A little silence lets you see where you’ve been, so you can channel a better understanding of where you’re going.
Maybe you’re on your way to where you want to be. Maybe you’re not. Maybe you’re not sure, in which case where exactly is it that you want to be going and what do you desire most in your and out of life? Oftentimes, answering that can be the hardest part of it all. Once you know with certainty, nothing can stop you, but you. However, you’ve still got to first know what it is you want – most of all.
Having nothing to do with New Years itself, I’ve never believed in “resolutions,” but always in “reflections.” Reflecting is an open-ended culmination of tangible experiences and how our actions have impacted and shaped them; for me, lasting positive change(s) means remembering where I’ve been and how it relates to where I want to be going–it doesn’t mean saying “I will/won’t _____ in 20__.” For me, that’s intangible and broad, and lasting change means scaffolding for myself new ways of thinking about things and taking apart any habits that aren’t positively impacting my life. Old habits die hard when we try to “break” them; but, they will dissipate when we take them apart piece by piece. Everything starts and ends with the mind and our habits of thought. E-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g.
I really don’t care about “New Years” – on any given day (you and) I can make the choice to improve or worsen. I think if more people showcased on their “Facebook walls” their imperfections, balancing these with strengths, but not solely “keeping up with the Jones'” as 95% of people wind up doing without even realizing it, many more people would see that we’re all human and the only person any of us should be better than is the person we were the day prior. My first reflection that comes to mind?
Don’t react, step back, then act.
There’s a lot of power in just “sleeping on it,” or even simply declaring a few hours before responding to any given person or entity about any given thing, regardless of pressure. Almost everything in life can hold its horses; if I’ve learned anything, it’s that. So commonplace is this false sense of urgency. Also making this harder, I think, is this Godforsaken era of too much “contact” and too little COMMUNICATION. These are not the same thing. Human beings were meant to speak. Interpret body language, facial expressions, tone. We were also meant to have off-switches, and the ability to be fully in a given moment. Screen-free. Now, with 35023 types of social media, email accounts, work systems, instant messengers, etc, people have grown to expect immediate responses and we live in an era of immediate gratification. For me, more positive responses especially to or within stressful situations is a matter of simply eliminating the rush factor. And if that’s a problem, it will no longer be mine. There’s a saying, “if the culture doesn’t work for you, don’t buy it.” So, there it is.
My wish for anyone reading this is that you find yourself either exactly where you want to be or en-route, and know that being en-route isn’t always linear or even necessarily logical. In fact, it’s often messy. There is a lot of truth to the saying that those who make no mistakes aren’t trying for anything. So, try for something. For lots of things. Expect things to go of-course, and remember to make time to hear yourself. Sometimes the best way to let God answer our prayers is to appreciate when he “doesn’t,” knowing that perhaps by introducing us to what we don’t want, he is teaching us what we do want – or need – and in a much more authentic way. It’s hard to know what’s right without knowing from experience what is not right, so despite ups and downs: appreciate and live in your present while orienting yourself for your future, love without restraint, laugh as much as possible, hug someone every day (or try to), look for the lesson in every mistake because mistakes are our greatest portals of discovery and growth, and know that you are exactly who you were meant to be and deserving of every happiness that I hope and know life will bring you.
